This Was Too Good To Pass Up

BREAKING NEWS: Burley bank robbed, suspect escapes on bicycle
Maybe the Burley Vise Squad can put this guy back on the force. Deputy Fife: "Here at 'the Rock,' we have two basic rules. Memorize them so you can say them in your sleep. Rule One: Obey all rules! Second, do not write on the walls...as it takes a lot of work...to erase writing...off of walls."
http://www.southidahopress.com/
How crappy is this? I know right now in Burley there are at least five little old blue haired ladies gathered around a kitchen table squwaking all about it, as if it was a Golden Girls episode! This will make news in Burley last a few days of good investigative reporting. I especially love this line was cut and paste note: this crap ain't made up. From the story, quote: "Police are looking for a Hispanic male who is 5 feet 5 inches tall and about 25 years old. He was wearing glasses and a black felt "Indiana-Jones type" hat. The man was dresses in a red sleeveless shirt with a white tee-shirt underneath and black shoes. He left the bank riding a red bicycle." Watch out he's on bike, probably something he stole from a freckled faced kid.
Ha! Classic. Burley news, it's like Debbie Gervonahump from KSL investigative writing!
My gut hurts. Oh, man breathe slowly. Almost as good as Senator Graig I am not gay speech!

Speak ENGWISH!

Welkom, we vite you join us far dinner. You wrike noodle? Aren't accents the best?!
There is this little 'ol oriental food joint near my work that I sometimes use for lunch, because you can get won-ton and three other items under five bucks. Sure the burn from your gut might end up killing you later, but from time to time I like to think I live life on the edge. So I am going back to school, this fall. School is like that black hole in one's life that doesn't seem to end but sucks up your whole universe. I will admit that I have been a "late bloomer" in regards to the education achievement. I blame Idaho, and my children. Which is my right as their gene carrier. When I get a dog, I will blame all my farts on that animal, until then Kami is known to really light up a room. Weber State has a lot of good classes online which I think is the only way to get your lower division stuff done. Sometimes I am really jelious of the one's who get all the education done, then start families. I really admire the one's who do the family, and the education at the same time. Don't you agree that at times you feel as if you are trying to run a race that never ends, and all the bottle water along the way is just stale SLC County water making the running of the race that much more of a challenge? I took a few a.p. classes in high school, why? because the baseball coach was the teacher and it turned out to be an easy B+ for me. The real dumb thing is I never took the test for the collage credit. Misty, this is the part in the show where you stamp "ASS" across my picture like on Conan. That really is good comedy. Back to that black hole idea, Burley, Idaho the place of my childhood. I do think of it as a "Mayburry Hell" because of the limits I felt at the time, were placed upon me while I was growing up. Ask my brothers and sister. Testify. So here I am, with a wife and kids (sounds like a sit-com) and I am complaining about going back to school. Everyone does it, but this is my blog so I am making this my opportunity to complain online. All the ifs in life and the might haves don't make complaining worth the time I have spent typing this message, so I will say that although life is what you make it to be, in the end it isn't going to matter much if there isn't a girl in it.
(that one's for you Misty)

Deeds

So I am at the soda store getting a cold Dr. Pepper, as I make my way to the cash register I meet another person at the same register. There becomes a moment when it is about to be awkward because someone is going to have to give up the high ground, the right of way to the register first. So I did, I said, "please go ahead" to which I got in reply, "are you sure?" I had to think, why would anyone say that when the green light and right of way was clearly given to them? Why question the fact that I gave that awkward moment a chance to be less awkward by letting the person go ahead of me. Why am I the one getting questioned about being sure? I felt confident enough. Thought it threw in a second, made a decision and went with it. But now I had to see if I truly was sure, as if I needed a lawyers permission, and it isn't like I was giving up a million dollars, I simply wanted that person to finish up so I could pay for my Delicious soda. I didn't want to pay extra for putting up with a question about being sure. Just another set back that kept me from drinking my soda. My soda, cold, goodness soda. No kids asking for a drink from my soda, only me. So my second reply was "yep" but really I was thinking, "I'm sure gonna kick you in the nut if you don't move it." Another thing about being helpful, if I fix your kids bike one time don't think that I am all of the sudden your handy man. In Grantsville, if you open the door for people and you get out of the way so they may pass you and they instead open the other door, that must really mean they are French, and we all know the French are a-holes.

Tagged!

So Misty was tagged and therefore I am also tagged. This is how I feel about the tagged part of being tagged. 1. take right hand, extend hand in front of self 2. thumb up then point down towards your feet. 3. place tongue on base of your lip, blow air out of mouth to produce a "pppaaapppaaa" mission accomplished.
I don't set goals, ever since my mission ended because for two years I set goal after goal after goal I figured I am good for another year or two before I have to set another goal. I have a lot of fears, like getting stuck in a public bathroom.

Maybe I just have a bad additude towards being tagged. Misty is the one who doesn't like games.

Drive In Movie

Have you seen Kung-Fu Panda? If you have seen this movie by choice maybe you wont like this post and should leave now. If you have a kid, then my guess is you have. In fact, I can almost promise that all of the parents out there in the world can name at least ten cartoons without stopping to think about it. Disney is an evil empire even though this is not a Disney show. Misty and I loaded up the 4Runner with our little herd and took off for the drive in movie in Tooele. When I pulled into a spot, I sort of felt like a refugee in a camp of some sorts, cars, trucks, campers, and mini-vans all spread out with small bar-b-q's and lawn chairs. Jeff Foxworthy would have been proud of some of the attendees. when the movie came to an end I asked my son to come with me so that he could use the bathroom before the next movie started which was Indiana Jones. We get to the men's room and it was a solid line of little boys with there dad's waiting to pee. The scene was one that if you are shy in public you would be horrified. Zach turns to me before our turn and simply said "let's blow this taco stand Dad, there's lots of guys here." Misty and I use the term blow this taco stand a lot, but I didn't think my five year old could use it. I also didn't think that he would be shy about peeing in public but strangely he was. We went back to camp and he complained about having to go really bad. I did the next logical thing, we were in the last isle of cars and as dark as it was I simply let him pee on the car tire next to us. Yep, some stranger's car tire was pee'd on. Misty didn't know and still doesn't know until she reads this blog later. Zach asked me if I would pee with him too, so I did. We pee'd on the tire of some stranger together, now that is bonding right? The only disappointment at all was that Kamrynn got a fever that still hasn't let up. Any of you got some drive in stories to share? Maybe that left a door open to hear about how some of your children were conceived?

Adam Sandler is a Great American

Well I like his movies anyway, I also like that he has a "side kick" in Rob Schneider. One of my favorite Rob Schneider characters is "Ula" "Sharks are like dogs, they only bite if you touch their private parts." Who can forget the Wedding Singer, "Well I have a microphone and you don't so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!” Sometimes you just need a good quote to start your day. Misty says I screw up movie lines, which she is right, although over the many years of our marriage I've gotten better. I can make the point, maybe not verbatim. Who can forget "Better Off Dead" Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that. Now shifting gears, I was flipping the radio dial and got stuck on KSL, the whine-o hour with my favorite punching bag Sean Hannity. He was boo hooing because the "liberal media" didn't give Sen. John McCain a lot of new hype when he went to Iraq. Geese does Sean need a poo poo change or what, I compare Sean's "show" to one of my daughter's tantrums, whinny,loud, and lazy. Well switch gears again, we are trying to get a home built. We have a lot, a bunch of people telling me they are working on permits, and the what not but mostly by December we will move to our new home. Switch gears again, the second week of August I will be taking Misty to her very first Burley Idaho Rodeo and Fair. It will be fun, pitures to follow.

I watched the sun set

Awe, sunset, orange ball in the sky. No kids, no noise, no anoying ding! dong! ding! dong! of the door bell, no little face saying "can Zach and Kami play" which really means can your kid run in the street and play in the dirt with all the new home constuction and nails too? Some of the neighborhood kids just seem like the type who ride the short bus to kindergarden. Or the kid who says, "Zach can you play" to which Zach says "alright, as long as you don't fart on me". I really belive that we are all placed in the neighborhood we are in because the Lord wants us to learn something about the gospel. I have learned that two kids is enough to make me want to go mental, that town homes are not for everyone, and that crazy things happen when your kids are real quiet. Also I have learned that gospel principle's are not to be taken lightly. I was always told that my mission would prepare me for life. I do belive it did prepare me for marriage in the Temple, and for how I am to serve others, but I do have to say that I want to kick the guy in the nuts who said that mission service is the best two years of your life. The video called to serve needs to be updated with some sort of warning: what you are about to see is not actual events, some of these events are based on cartoons from living scriptures. I wouldn't want to discourage missionary service, because it is a responciblity that should be on the mind of every nineteen year old who is eligable to serve. Also, church meetings should start with sacrement first that way I get a damn seat with a cushion on it.

My Boy is an Island Boy

Many of you know about Zach, how he Love's to climb things. Mainly with his feet. He attempts his climbs with a quick lick on his hands, then removes his sandals and slaps slime of Zach onto his feet also and shimmy's up. Up trees, up bed railings, between door jams, and lastly at the playground. Sure everyone knows about the tunnel slides, but my native island boy puts a twist by climbing the outside of the tunnel slide then hops onto the platform and swings his way down a support pole to the ground just to do it all over again. Today he did however master the monkey bars. He wasn't afraid to try them before, but I guess he just didn't have the mechanics down enough to understand the whole monkey bar operation. Well today he mastered them with ease. I just expect him to bring a coconut back every time.

The Public Crapper Syndrome

This is a what I like to call capper"itus" or CORPOROPHOBIA fear of toilets, namely public johns. You know what I mean, your at the Bee's home game, start of the seventh inning stretch and you feel the urge to purge. Only you think twice, the thought of an unholy porcelain pony just makes the poo you thought you had to poo crawl right back up and say huh-uh! Then there are the truck stops, long road trip to grandma's house or to where ever the road takes you. So you stop at what appears to be a clean looking Chevron, get inside and it's this man-chick hanging out in the men's room! So you bolt out the door unsatisfied but not molestered. I think twice about the pot I choose to rest upon. At Sunday dinner, Dan made mention of the toilet service at the Government building he works at, gave some gory detail about mookie-stinks all over the floor and pouring into the next two stalls. Just shows how put out people really are about the economy huh? That brings up another thought, the places people choose to go and eat out at, is it really about the service and food or is about how clean the crapper is? I say it is almost completely dependant upon the the cleanliness of the toilet. Pizza Hut in Tooele, for instance (this comment has no bearing on Jessie}the crappers are horrible, some sort of spin off from the Dugway Proving Grounds. Anyway this comment is over. Kids are screaming and somebody has to play referee.

what the crap was that last post about anyway

We went as a family to the fireworks show tonight, no pictures because it is Grantsville, there would be the possibility of ugly naked dancing in the background.

So our kids had fun, cousins had fun, glow sticks, chips, grapes, blanket, and yes bang, boom, pop, and some crashes. Lots of lights, and smoke, no real bad traffic and as a finale what was that last post about? I don't know, maybe it was the combination of things.

Anyway hope your 4Th of July was a bang too!