Dave's Blog

Fantasy Foozeball

2011-10-09T18:07:00.000-07:00

I took it too serious, called people whom I don't even know Sarah Pallin voters, supporters, and that is worse then being called a jock strap, or a sweaty jock strap. I shouldn't have said that, but the fact is everyone voted against ME! You heartless group of sweaty jock straps!
I'll take my 1-4 record all the way to.... the bottom of a 12 player league. So sad that I've become sorta obsessed with making a computer generated program a source of entertainment, wait scratch that isn't that what blogging is about?? I may be using "social networking" as a vehicle to talk some make believe smack but who cares. That brings me to my other useless tangent. T.V. and calling it entertainment. This world moves too fast, and t.v. brings out all the wrong about moving fast. Commercialism is motivation for all the wrong things in life. Well to a point, don't take away Top Gear for instance, epic show, while I don't understand the fascination with tuning into a show like Dancing With The Stars, what sane person does that? I don't know anymore, but I'm going off into many rants and tangents and I say why the hell not. Who's gonna read this anyway not my mother, she can't"log in" to save her life! So I think in the end boasting about fantasy football on the internet is almost like supporting the Ellen show or Dancing with lame-o's show or any other "entertainment" you want to insert (here). I think we should all spend more time watching our kids play, better yet play with 'em.

Christmas and my Camry

2011-01-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

So I blew up my Camry, not literal but close. The orphans (Zach & Kammi) enjoyed a good Christmas. Misty and I will do better next time with the scheduling of decor, time with family, and the whole what to buy the orphans next time.

The use of the scout motto could have helped us out a bit. Back to the Camry, don't feel bad for me because I blew up the car. I suppose this has taught me a lesson about preparedness or some gospel principle that I clearly overlooked. Maybe the whole blown up car that you need to commute to work and shuttle kids around with necessity really isn't? Maybe I am suppose to be Amish? Maybe I am suppose to move around on horse and buggy? I don't know but I should really focus on the good things about using one car to do all the things our family does. We share a car to go to work in, we car pool, and we like to go get an occasional soda.
All of these activities are fun for me because I get to hangout with Misty. She's cute and she doesn't take up a lot of space like the kids do. You see kids need extra space for toys or books, or whatever fluffy thing they can drag into the car with them. I hate that about kids. I never got to drag around a bunch of toys except when it was parade time. What is that all about anyway, have today's parents gone soft and started using other means to occupy the minds of a child? I beleive in electronic babysitters, i.e. movies, portable dvd players, games, books, whatever as long as the kid doesn't bother me while I drive I'm good with it. When I was a kid we packed into a station wagon (my dad really hated it) which is the equivalent of today's mini-van and bounced around the back seat until my mom could reach back with her short arm and whack us upside the head trying to get us to settle down. I think I am doing my kid a favor and saving the beating by allowing the electronic babysitter to do it's job.

Kids keep me up at night, make me worry about dental and life insurance. These worries give me nightmares and make me fatter then I want to be. I have night terrors about the future thoughts of both my kids driving, dating, high school!!!! I just don't know if I want to stay in this game of life for the long haul. I think knowing now what it takes to make a family operate makes me fear for when the time comes for my offspring to make the choice to have a family. It's no picnic and the economical effects really suck rocks. On the other hand the things that my family does, has made me laugh. I am learning about comedic timing from Kammi, she has a cleaver way of inserting random movie lines from kid shows - light bulb. I feel like I am part of something other then myself too so don't get the feeling like this is a pity party, except yes it is feel bad for me and give me your money.
Family isn't it about time, sometimes no, it isn't. Sometimes people shouldn't have large families, or small families or get together at all. Sometimes when I people watch at Costco I wonder when I see a couple together I think to myself who let that happen? What brought that mess together and thought it was a good idea? Sometimes I get a sharp pain in my ribs because I forget to shut my mouth and say those things out loud. Misty is quick. I do have a really good family, and good on me I know, because of Misty. I always get compliments about my girlfriend, wife, eternal comp. whatever term you like best insert here. I choose sweetheart, it's my favorite.
So wish me luck in getting the Camry back into service. I am so close but I hate being close I just want it to be finished.

Who the crap are you people

2010-11-06T19:07:00.000-07:00

So I checked this blog and found a lot of weirdos "following" this thing along. I thought this strange so I blocked you, whoever you are really. Besides, this blog is my way of sharing thoughtlessness at it's best in my own verse and it's not for you. Perhaps I should make this a private verse.

Misty's book will be published and I am excited for her to see her work progress into something rewarding for her. Maybe she can take me to dinner!?

Kam's and Misty's birthday are coming up too, I should take them to dinner! I am not sure what I can do for them, she doesn't care for surprises and Kam just wants a girl party. Whatever that is, my mom use to be really good at putting parties together, perhaps I'll ask her opinion. Speaking of family, it's been some time since I've been up to Idaho. I do miss the fall colors, the mountains that I am familiar with. I hope that by next year I will have a different vehicle to venture into the hills around here. Lots of neat places here locally that not even the locals know about. Anyway, how about those Utes! It was awesome to see them get routed by TCU, I always thought the Utes had a soft schedule this year anyway. I do wish them luck the rest of the way except for the B Y U vrs. Utah game, we all know I want B Y U to pound them into the turf.

What's the deal with medical commercials on t.v. lately. Side effects include. This is a fact about the medicine. The fact is that the side effects are going to affect you beyond whatever the medicine is going to do. Amazing, that side effects are so prevalent in the commercial. I can't wait until the medical commercials show a happy family sitting together on a hill side having a picnic when the mom reaches for a soda with her third arm growing out of her arse because of the side effects!

I'm just saying that this could be the normal possibility for Zach and Kam when they reach my age. What will the world hold for them?

Can't wait to get over this cold/Flu either. Love Zinc and Zicam, so far the effects of the flu are suppressed. Hopefully I can get past the sore throat, I haven't had a sore throat in a long time.
this one actually hurt this morning thus we missed all the important baptisms today, Meg, and a couple of kids from my primary class got dunked today. I'm sure it was spiritual even without my presence.

Blog's and Youtube.

2010-05-18T21:54:00.001-07:00

These two youtube posts are some of my favorite. I just wanted to share the comedy of Conan, because that's one awesome giant leprechaun. I think old Conan is much better as far as comedy skits go then the Conan of the Tonight Show era. Too bad about that, I still haven't watched two minutes of Jay Leno. Suck it hard Leno.
The other guy is equally funny. AC/DC is one of my favorite metal bands, but this guy hits the nail on the head, all metal songs are crappy in some form or another. Metal is about being loud after all, not soft and cute like country music.

I also have a grip against handy cap's. Handicap. What words comes to mind for you? For me, I think of a serious disability, uncomfortable set back, discouragement, and Tiger Woods.
Now when I say the word parking with the word handicap what do you think of? I think provided, looked out for, elderly, physically inept. I however also think anger, frustration, and I have more insurance so beat it or I'm going to beat that shinny red VW bug into pieces!

Have a look around while at your favorite grocery store and just see what types of vehicles are parked in the handicapped spaces. I am amazed to find fancy pants cars, and huge trucks. I always expect a mini-van with the slide out ramp, but only on occasion have I actually witnessed a true handicap vehicle occupying a handicap parking spot.

Often times it's a perfectly able person who walks upright, and appears perfectly healthy. When I see cars parked in a handicap space I want to see a gimpy person with a peg leg. Com'on what does an average white guy gotta do to get some respect? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here, I mean the sign clearly has a picture of a wheelchair. So give me a wheelchair effort here people.

Jim Breuer Ac/Dc

2010-05-18T21:54:00.000-07:00

'Stackenblochen'

2010-05-18T21:46:00.000-07:00

Fast Food Service Sucks other things I hate

2010-05-04T16:04:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my post of things I hate. Letterman has his top ten, Leno has his headlines, Radio from Hell has things that must go. So I have mine, Dave's Things I Hate and Other Shenanigans.
I think this title comes from having 1. too much time to think about the crap that I shouldn't have to put up with and 2. I think about the worst possible outcome for every situation then try to make fun of it.

So here I am in heading toward my mid 30's (ouch) and I am enjoying the prime of life when I notice the stupid things happening all around me. I have become really aware of people and their stupid kids, and beyond that; their is stupid t.v., music, and entertainment.

I have learned a few things about people. Jack Handy was right, “I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.” end quote.

Here is my list of things:

1. The Rudy Giuliani motivational speech commercial....
So a bunch of famous has beens/are nows are getting together and want me to pay them to hear about how "infamous" they may/or may not be, to motivate my sales team. The highlight of the show is Sarah Palin via satellite. She works for Fox news now, the news source that never lies to America because they love America and support our soldiers. I do feel sad for Rudy, he was an American hero not long ago. These famous people that want for me to achieve my own personal success will only charge me $19 bucks. That's a fair price to pay to have to endure all the smug they will spill out. I wonder if the venue will offer a smug protection suit? I simply can't believe that the carnival of motivational circus freaks are coming here. I wonder what will be next? Probably a Nickelback concert.

2. The dude in the Prius blasting NWA Cop Killer
Not that I am against the prius or have a problem with choice of music the man was listening too, but that the two were put together. I thought most hippie's lived in downtown SLC. This guy was a compete dushe. Passing the Stansbury Park police sub-station with Cop Killer cranked and the windows down is a dumb act.

3. Children of the corn....
Parents be on time with things you are suppose to be on time for. Unless there is hell fire or a serious running of the bulls get your kids to primary on time. Be accountable, I am expected to be so why can't you? Parents, before you bring your precious little ones to my class warn them that if they don't shut up, listen to the lesson, and wait to be called on, Bro. Moncur is going to grab there bottom lips and yank them over their heads. Class will go so much smoother if it's understood that having a bottom lip in it's proper place is a good thing.
I don't know why I am teaching kids anyway, this is my 3rd or 4th go around with Primary or scouts. Man, I really can hate the things kids do.

4. Work Punks
A thank you goes a long ways, and kind words really do work wonders on cold hearts. That being said do me wrong once and shame on me for letting you do that to me when I helped you. Do it to me twice and I will forever remember. Ask me to lift you out of the pit and I will simply forget to hear your voice. Don't ask me to do your job and mine without saying thank you, it really does go a long way.

5. Political Hacks
I can't stand political rhetoric. I hate media programs that call themselves news when in fact they should be called entertainment. Case in point, the daily show with John Stewart he has it right when he calls himself an entertainment program. Sean, Bill, Rush, and all the like need to follow after this lead. It's my opinion that Sean, Rush, and Bill are simply entertainers. Putting on a show that promotes only themselves. To them I say boys, the fact of the matter is the voting polls are now closed. You had your turn, please wait for your next turn in 4 years to cast your vote, A$$. Be informed, make a choice and stick with it crybabies.

I will close now with some good Tillamook ice cream. Great stuff... mmmm.

KSL wants me to become a FB fan

2010-02-08T11:02:00.000-08:00

side note: Not related to this blog, but the picture made me laugh. Thanks email.

I had a bad dream, then this morning I got a fb invite.... Blame it on the Quervo (I just wanted to say that, Carrie Underwood pisses me off.) So I dreamt that I ended up on KSL news, the website, the chatroom, and the classifieds. Yep the classifieds. My name was all over the Wasatch. Let me explain, the dream starts out with myself in an office, I am wearing a suit and tie, answering phones, faxing documents, and talking with Lawyers. The desk is a dark wood with fancy moldings. The computer is new, a soft keyboard and in the room has a hudge file folder, nice chairs, and some fake plastic trees, the ones you see in banks. I know I was selling insurance. Lots of insurance, infact I was a whiz at it. Money seemed to be rolling in hand over fist, sorta freaking me out. I don't remember having anyone else to help me run this office space. I remember setting up a couple of new accounts. Helping old people get affordable life insurance (which I think everyone should have personally) but something was really wrong. I had full control of all the estate of the old people, person, I don't remember how many, but I was the sole controller. I was sending money into private accounts and spending it wildly on fast cars and a popcorn machine. Then I remember somehow, getting an invitation to go to a fancy pants dinner at Little America with the Saltlake Chamber of Commerce (that's how I ended up on KSL). At the fancy pants dinner, which Misty wasn't there (strange yet 'cause I never eat dinner without her) I see KSL's morning personalities, and then I woke up. When I came to my sences, at first I could taste the throw-up building in the bottom of my throat. It's that feeling you get when as a kid you had to hug and kiss your great, great, aunt (stinky) whats er name at the family reunion, because your mother told you it might be her last reunion ever but you were to young to know what exactly that ment. I never knew great, great aunt (stinky) what's er name well enough to say no and be done with it. I never understood this form of adult to kid torture. So KSL a Bonneville network has chosen me to become a friend. That feels like voting for Sarah Palin and hoping for the best. KSL with it's spit polished reporting, news on the radio, and that damn Maria Shilaos. Not to mention the overly happy couple on the morning radio Grant (pansy) and Amanda (kiss n' hug) these two absolutely drive me crazy?! I don't think eighter one lives in the now, or reality. Have any of you ever listened to them? Besides the automatic gag factor that occurs every time I tune in, I feel like my skin breaks out in hives when Amanda smuggly agrees with Grant on Utah issues, they both speak as if they are the leading expert, autority, and grand poobauh wizard. What about Doug Wright you say, well I beleive he's the reason Utah County has become a baren wasteland of political smug plain and simple. You Utah County folks have smug all over you thanks to Doug. You bunch of smuggers, they sniff their own farts you know. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smug_Alert!

Becoming a friend of KSL I suppose would finish my assimilation to Utah, I say this because I do have an R C Willey account, paid for in full but still open. Moving on, did anyone watch the Superbowl and feel cheated? I totally expected the ads to be worth watching the game. So disappointed in CBS. The ads could have been better if the order went Doritos, then beer ad, then the Tim Tebow family ad thing (which I didn't get at all what message was that)? Betty White and Al Begotta were great, everyone else stunk, the dog collar choker was worth a laugh.

There hasn't been anything on t.v. worth watching for some time. Anyone got any ideas? Thanks for listening.

I Made a Post

2010-01-25T10:47:00.000-08:00

I am looking forward to the new Conan O'Brien show sometime in 7 months. Hopefully it will be like his old late night show. The one that was actually funny, Co-Co can do some really good skits.

Kammryn and Zach. Sheezh! Talk about some spoiled rotten brats! I am to blame, says Misty how I don't exactly know, she's the one who likes cats not me.
I am having trouble teaching them the value of work. Any type of work! For the sake of Pete it would be a miracle blessing for me if Kammi would simply pick up her crap when she is done with her many Pica so-esk painting, coloring, and writing. The bum wrote her name on her bed sheet in yellow highlighter! I don't know if that crap will wash out, but she even left the marker on her bed cap off and fell asleep. She has acquired a canny nack for staying up late into the night, sometimes 2 0r 3 in the morning! I want to used drugs, but the FDA says no, and I am not going to jail for anyone.

Zach. Zach. Zach. Why won't this kid cause me some trouble? He's perfect, as far as 6 year olds go. Cleans up, does homework, and even tries to take care of his dirty laundry himself. Great kid, and I would love to trade his sister for a low maintenance model. Kam is cute, but low maintenance would fit better for me. Zach has out grown most of his pants. He is an enormous 6 year old. I hope this growth period doesn't stop at the 4Th grade (Misty) I don't think that is his fate, he eats like a horse. Sometimes I just put a feed bag around his muzzle and leave him for a 1/2 hour.

Our ward, has a lot of great people in it. Lots of faces I recognize but names are a blur. It's been a full year now that we have lived on Hudson Circle, rolls off the tongue real nice... Hudson Circle.
I still don't care much for scouts, parents are freaks and "gung-ho" or absolutely leave everything up to the leaders. Let me tell you something one of the many requirements is to cook a meal for your family. I can come cook you eggs for dinner but you ain't gonna like it much. Parents be involved, tons of scout crap is really up to you. I don't ever really care if Zach is an Eagle scout (unless he wants to be) but mostly it's up to the parents when your kid is a Cub Scout.

My green car is still on the road. We have owned this animal for 8 years of our almost 9 years of marriage (March 9 for those who are counting) When I say we, I really mean Misty. I have patched this car together and there is a lot to say about older model Toyota's on the road today. Great car and I plan on driving another one. We did however defect to Volkswagen. Really they should just call this car a LEGO since that is really how it is put together, sure there are fasteners and welds, but I had the whole front end disassembled to fix a leak in no time. I should be a mechanic, Haynes repair books are about the only thing I read.

March 9Th will be our 9Th year of marriage. It's been a lot of up's down's sideways and backwards times. Mostly because of money I didn't have any. Misty and I have a relationship that most people want, well too bad get your own or work on the one you already have. I really like what I got and I keep it safe.

Posting on Face book makes a lot more since to me because I can put stupid movie quotes and be done. I enjoy that on Face book, but not here unless I have pictures to go with it. Sorry to disappoint, but that is what YouTube is for anyway.

Thanks for listening.

2010-01-13T20:42:00.000-08:00

http://d.yimg.com/kq/groups/17260182/1610997888/name/ftc-vi26.wmv

My Mother Doesn't "Get Me"

2009-12-23T11:04:00.000-08:00

Even when I was a kid, I am sure she didn't know exactly what to do with me, to be fair does any parent know exactly what to do? Vague question I know.

I think this holiday season I have learned more this year then in years past. I hate cats. Growing up I loved them, kept them, and took the mangy alley cat in as a pet. I like dogs, always will. Loyal plain and simple.

I am protective as to what matters most, what comes first, and the safety of my family. Getting old sucks. Time and money matter. The time invested makes my money disappear, kids make my money disappear. Sometimes I am getting a mediocre return for my money.

I like Misty. She is awesome, I got lucky. Holiday travel sucks, I don't care to drive to Idaho like I use too. I hate I-84, I hate the gas stops along the way, and I don't even miss Switzer Pass. I like my house, the space, and the master bathroom. The best feature is the two separate sinks. My son is a reading machine, eating machine, and talented. He took the time to draw an entire book himself. Words, editing, and pictures all by himself and he did it! He gets that from his mother, he loves math and can spell better then me. Which isn't really bragging. I didn't fare well in school.

Kamrynn isn't too far off from being like me. She works hard at the things that are important to her, weather you want it to be or not. Call it stubborn, I call it priority. She gets her priorities together and nothing else matters at the time. The house could be on fire, but she will make sure her hair got combed first. That can be a great thing and a nightmare.

My mother doesn't get me, she calls and if I don't pick up right away she says when I call her back after voicemail, her first words are "why didn't you pick up?" assuming that I am screening her call, or ignoring her precious phone call. As often as she calls me, maybe once every month or two. She loves to talk with her grand babies, and it's her right as grandma. I would like her to spend more time with them, but she is sick all the time. No fault of her own. She doesn't know me, not well enough to understand my lack of humor or my quick wit. Who knows maybe in a year or two she will catch on. I am at least finding out more and more that the family you have now, is the one that matters most.

Coming To Terms

2009-11-03T21:44:00.000-08:00

Sounds like a contract doesn't the phrase terms and coming to agreement. Contract, final, and permanent. Stone, and forever. I was just thinking about where I am at in life. My family, my beautiful wife, children, all of these things that surround me that make me alive.

I thought about commitment, how it takes desire to see something through until finished. How sacrifice makes the end result taste sweet. Misty and I are now raising our children in a more permanent setting, something to be said about finding your place in a ward. I never would admit that the Lord really puts you where you will do good work for him, or that there is actually a place for you to belong. I am a believer of that now, I always thought life is what you make it to be. What you want it to become and I do believe that, but also that your control isn't always yours. That you are not the cap'n but a stooge mopping up the deck. I find myself coming to terms with belonging and caring enough to see my family grow into something more. I realize that sentence sounds cold, but I seem to get caught up in things that don't matter. I rationalize the trivial things, the need to always focus on pointless matters, like the kids bedrooms, the organization of the garage, or making sure that those dam cats don't linger too long in my living room. I like animals, just not in my house. My house, I work hard for it.

Anyway, just thinking about terms and agreements. Monetary agreements seem endless, thank goodness for the eternal ones that I can count on. The lesson I think I am suppose to learn here this past week it not to sweat the small things, but be focused enough to realize a plan of action needs to take place, then to present the idea to higher powers, take action. I want to quit spinning my wheels and actually hit second, third, and really slam it hard into fourth gear. Sometimes I get fed up with being a stick in the mud, or having that feeling around the house. It carries over into work, soccer practice, and home life. I have to say that I don't watch out enough when I start to feel this way, I don't act quickly enough to recognize the situation before I can solve it. It's like a cold that hits you after you just played basketball the day before.

Commitments. I have a greater understanding of them, and being committed, I just want to always have the right action.

Excess Body Hair

2009-09-16T20:46:00.001-07:00

I think I have a new phobia, Trichopathophobia or fear of excess body hair. Persons with hudge amounts of unkept facial hair need to know that I wig out. Who needs nightmares when you can have images of nasty nose hair. Handlebar mustaches bug me too.

My next phobia really isn't a phobia as much as a problem with the people that other people may or may not look up too. I oppose each one.

1. Al Sharpton “White folks was [sic] in caves while we was building empires.... We taught philosophy and astrology and mathematics before Socrates and them Greek homos ever got around to it.” Sharpton defended his comments by noting that the term "homo" was not homophobic but added that he no longer uses the term. Sharpton has since called for an end to homophobia in the African-American community.

2.Rush Limpnuts. Talk-radio titan Rush Limbaugh is being investigated for allegedly buying thousands of addictive painkillers from a black-market drug ring.The moralizing motormouth was turned in by his former housekeeper - who says she was Limbaugh's pill supplier for four years.Wilma Cline, 42, says Limbaugh was hooked on the potent prescription drugs OxyContin, Lorcet and hydrocodone - and went through detox twice.

I have more on all this but lame things going across my mind right now so I think it best that I stop. Nose hair it's not pretty. Al, Rush, Bill O'Riley, Sean, Glen,

all you a$$ hats that think you know better for our country, and for me keep sitting on your butts talking on the radio how you know better then the elected officials just baffles my mind. Stay on your butts, and keep selling more New York steak, promote more useful products like Just For Men and stay out of politics.

Okay I am done. Really, I think public school is stupid too. Zach can just about read 3rd. grade books and yet his teacher thinks he should be reading one word, yes really one word books. I really can't wait for PTA, so I slipped a note in his homework asking the teacher to challenge him, she must have gotten the note because he has harder books to read from. I asked for it, but I know Zach can do it.

I want a New York steak now.

Lack of a Title

2009-07-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

Today I was thinking about the common process of people doing stupid things, myself included. I am taking credit here for coining a new idea. "Idiot-ology"- I belive a process of being an idiot really exists among us, and the formula is at least applicable mathematically. S@#! happens. People in my industry make work harder then it has to be. No case in point, but I'll just say this the right communication goes a long way.

Hospitals-

Mountain West Medical Center, Tooele Utah. I hope no one I know has to go to the hospital. Recently Misty caught the pneumonia from some grubby co-worker, neighborhood kid, or from the biker bar, Large Marge's on Highway 36. In the five days that Misty was there we saw a different doctor each time. The communication between each doctor was pathetic! Getting an answer about the type of treatment or finding out what the "game plan" from the doctor(s) was a disaster. Having a family doctor would have saved so much headache. Lesson learned. Also, Nurses are not doctors and should not give advice as though they are doctors. Following medical direction at Mountain West Hospital was like witnessing a live episode of Bevis and Butthead. I hope in the future Misty and I will be the wiser.

Imagine custom wheels, big tires, and a man on a cell phone racing down I-80. To the Hummer H3 driver on my commute: advertising self-defense, S.W.A.T. training, and a number of other defense courses, the advertisement is plastered all over the vehicle. Coming home tonight from Salt Lake on what I call the Autobahn I-80 West I came upon Mr. H3 driver. His advertisement was tough, rugged, and mach-o but the dude driving the H3 was 5' nothing and fat. As I drove past I could only think, isn't that ironic.

Ode to the "Peppy Prius driver guy"
I use to be this driver on the road, the one zipping by swerving in and out of traffic lanes. I had a knock off sporty car, the Chevy Beretta GTZ. It could hug the road and took out a couple hot shot Honda's back in the day (1999-2001 R.I.P.) Lately I think twice about how I drive on the highway. Coming home from work I saw a Prius driver blasting through traffic as if he was driving home to Selma Hayek in which case this post would be different. I know how he feels like he is in control of his vehicle, how he swerves in and out of the fast lane passing cars in both lanes, how he thinks that by doing these maneuvers he is going to beat every time trial record ever set. I ask myself "how badly does anyone need to get to Tooele anyway?" Yet there he goes, zip! zamm! swoosh! down the highway. The Hybrid driver. Yep, green and hippie, but really how sporty is the Prius? When I sold cars at Tony Divino Toyota ( I know, sounds like a mob boss) the training for the Prius was simply, it's green not mean.

Blue Hair Crowded in Front of Me

Scene of the crime: Costco Food Court. Time: Lunch, I was starving.
I was on assignment to find replacement bathroom paper towels that our office could buy locally, and not have to spend $120 dollars for a 12 pack box of dispenser towels. Having found out that Costco doesn't offer the style required to fit our type of dispenser I thought at least I should grab lunch while the lunch line was short. As I approached the food court I noticed two lines, two cash registers, and two helpful food people just begging to fetch me a slice of Costco pizza.... mmmmm... pizza. Then I saw the glow of blue frost bouncing off the waxed floor. My heart began to race a little, that is when I knew I wasn't alone. The Blue Hair was decked out in short shorts, running shoes, and those dark lenses, style of sunglasses that cover your whole face, as if they are high tech safety glasses. She was standing in the middle of the two cash registers waiting to pounce. A man with his young daughter, maybe 6 years old was about to tell the cashier their order when the Blue Hair butted-in with strong force, and asked for a cup from the cashier. The cashier stopped what she was doing, the man and daughter first looked puzzled but then realized what they were up against, and quickly bowed down as if this person was the Alpha dog. The cashier gave the blue hair the cup. I didn't noticed that the Blue Hair had left, I was busy thinking about what sort of evil plan the Blue Hair was about to unfold, when thinking that perhaps the Blue Hair was short changed a cup when she bought her hot dog or something rational like that, or...was something else afoot here? Was the Blue Hair hatching an evil plan to take over the food court? I was about to find out! It appeared so, because the man and daughter took their food and left leaving me next in line. As I approached the cashier, I made a glance over my shoulder, and jumped a few inches avoiding any possible contact as the Blue Hair was standing right next to me! Sneaking up by my side like a cold Ninja, it came back with a vengeance! She cut me off, faster then Dale Earnhardt at the Daytona 500! Cut off MY chance of getting to MY seat with MY pizza to enjoy MY lunch time bliss only to ask for napkins?! "Napkins" I said, are near the soda machine. I pulled myself back a little further distancing myself from the Blue Hair as I was expecting a purse shot to the ribs. I waited for retaliation, expecting the rib ringer, but what to my surprise? She simply turns, and leaves to the soda machine. Completing my transaction, I ate my lunch knowing that the duty to God award I got from Bishop Brown was just a hoax. Senior citizens beware, I am no longer taking your crap, you can just sit in your pull-up for all I care. Until next time Blue Hair, I will be watching. Oh P.S. My video card in my computer when out, that' a drag.

Last Names

2009-05-14T17:49:00.001-07:00

Thoughts:

I drive a lot, I have been a "commuter" for several years now. My longest commute was from Tooele to Riverton, but I have seen much on the road, I-80, I-15, Banger, Old Bingham Highway, you name it I have commuted on it. I am always amused at what people drive on the road, amused at those "golf cart-looking" cars, PT Cruiser, Mini Cooper, the over sized trucks with little men in them, and the always delightful "wingo's" you know the car with the spoiler (I got a spoiler for you, you will die alone inside joke) the sweet rims, low profile, and so forth. I can't get too far into how amusing these cars are to me, because I once thought my Chevy Beretta was one sweet taco. Swwweet ride huh. Back to my thought. Lately I have noticed a lot of vehicles with the last name plastered all over the back window. Words like "Sanchez," "Rodriguez," and the like, but never "Smith," or "Jones" I am sure Jones would be proud of his/her heritage because that is what I think these people are doing, they are proud to be Rodriguez, Sanchez, Taco-Burrito, and just want you to know it. Then there is the ultimate decal, the one that really gets me, no not the mini van with the bullets decal, or soccer smashed window, but the family decal, you know the one with the dad, mom, kids, and pets. These people are Bad_A#$$

The decal I find most disturbing is the "gay" family decal, the one with two women, kids, and pets. I once saw a decal in Tooele with two women, kids, pets, and grandma. Now that is trying to be discrete, gay power it's on the move. It really is cool to be "gay," that douche bag judge ranting about Miss "Hoe" California wanted to make the pageant a gay spot light. You think about it what do you remember about the pageant at all? Nothing, except hot chicks, and the gay argument. I don't want you to get the wrong image, I am not being a "hater" but I just think their is enough noise about being gay. When do I get a break for being married, when do I get a whole media blitz for my eight years of marriage? I just have to laugh at the whole thing when I think about it. Anyway enjoy the bumper stickers out there on the road. http://www.familystickers.com The guy who creates these stickers could care less, Rodriguez, lesbo, or whatever as long as you are buying.

B Y U UTAH and Aggies

2009-04-02T18:43:00.000-07:00

It's just too bad. Perhaps B Y U could have gone further in the NCAA tournament if.... well to many what ifs about them. Utah and Luke Neville showed some skill but faded(candle blown out for effect.) The Aggie's were my one hope. The team that had been known for it's awesome home wining stretches, and NCAA busting abilities. Whiff just like that all the reason for the season gone.

Other things of interest. I like face book, it's convent. Quick notes to friends and your done. Long talks with family and your done.

More things of interest dang cat. Howling all night, I am ready to skin it, drown it, turn it into a coat or some gloves. Perhaps one last try to save the animal, a trip to the vet. The animal is spade, but the howling has got to go!

Garden stuff. Let's talk about it, here we are in the first week of April and winter has perhaps stopped for us in Stansbury, maybe not. Storm after storm, I am ready for spring to arrive. Our kitchen looks like a green house with all the starts for the garden. My boss from work gave me some good advice about mulch and his garden secrets. I just want some warm weather to start digging. Misty wants to plant and get things in the ground this weekend.

Projects. I am a little leary of them. I did get a 1000 watt dimmer, and replaced the 600 watt one. I have a couch that is 80% rebuilt and another set that will require some cleaning, minor repair, and couch covers. The curtains are 90% done, our room is 80% painted with the new colors.

On and on it goes. Moab was a great break for me. I wish we could have spent more time doing different hikes and climbs. I enjoy the outdoors more then I think my wife does.

I have fixed my car window twice. Our old green car..... poor thing needs put down, but I sorta am proud to keep it going without having to put much money into it. http://innermamablogue.blogspot.com/2008/02/my-car-is-canadian.html

Well that's it. No more. C-ya

Facebook

2009-03-12T08:08:00.001-07:00

Surprisingly addicting. I find myself looking for people I knew about from years ago. I like to people watch, people search, and generally be a little nosy. Maybe I am this way because I don't keep in touch with friends. This is really just your fault. New topic: A potential grocery store here in Stansbury is materializing. There is a Stansbury group that is making it possible for a grocery store to move into Stansbury, that's great 'cause Maverick is such an awesome place for produce.

I got a tow hitch now and am searching for a good deal on a 5' x 10' trailer. KSL people get a clue, I am not going to pay $550.00 for your used trailer when I can spend $645.00 for a new one. I just don't get it.

Got an Air Brushed Jewel on my desktop

2009-02-18T21:02:00.000-08:00

So I got this air brushed picture of Jewel (the singer) on my desk top. She's smokin' hot. I understand the whole digital correction, but wow, some dude that went to years and years of air brush school, and poof! I got a hot jewel on my desk top. America is grand. I also got some junk at the auction off of 5600 West on Saturday. By far the most fun I have had in... that isn't true. I did have moments of fun bidding out old ladies for trinkets. Stompin' on old ladies, what a true non steroid game that is. Danny and Rob went and I sort of butted myself in and went. Rob was smart enough to suggest breakfast at McDonald's (by far the only reason they are in business). I was hoping to get some bargain buy that would just baffle the mind but that truly didn't come without a price. I bid on a busted air compressor, I paid $50.00 dollars it will need possibly $5.00 to get it to work. A new air compressor of similar size is $48.00 dollars. You do the math. The next item is a couch. I thought this would be a grand steal of the day. A leather and micro-fiber combination, which would easily sell for $500.00. My winning bid, $30.00 bucks, but I figure I will have to put a few hours into fixing the frame and cost of supplies makes my couch a $100.00 "project". The last item was sort of a surprise. I paid $30.00 dollars for a new in the box camcorder, 16 mega pixel camera, and mp3 player. It is by far the deal that made strapping that couch into a packed 4Runner, 55 mph down I-80, and a worried wife all worth it.

I also got a couple of kitchen chairs for $10 bucks. I lost a fabric bid to a Relief Society councilor but she took pity on me and let me buy 28 yards from her for $10 bucks. That was christian. Thanks Rob and Danny for some fun times.

SUPER "RIP-OFF" Bowl

2009-02-02T10:55:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else feel cheated? Ben Hamburger didn't appear in the game until the last minute, Why wasn't James Harrison ejected? ... He's a great player, but his cheap shot on Aaron Francisco in the fourth quarter was totally inexcusable. Cardinal defence apparently couldn't do anything without a flag. The game just left the impression that the NFL is more concerned about its business aspect, tied with endorsements and corporate money. Citi Bank spent 1 million of its bail-out fund to sponsor the Super Bowl. It's things of that nature that take any fun out of the sport. It's dirty and not a true sport when money seems to rule the out come. I wonder what incentives the ref's got for making such a spectacle. I realize that this is late, but worth it right? What about Pres. Obama lettin' all the private business in America get a hand on 780 billion does that chap anyone else's hide? Anyway Country Jam is coming in June to Grand Junction Colorado and I want to go hang with the country hippies sounds like fun huh. I am ready for the spring to arrive, not so much about the hot days of summer but spring would be great. In March I hope to take our family to Moab and get lost for a few days. There is a great place that James and Heather showed us years ago at a KOA with cabins for relatively cheap. Moab always amazes me. Anyway I am looking forward to some good times this spring and looking forward to welcoming the warmer weather.

Twisted Thoughts during Sacrament

2009-01-25T17:37:00.000-08:00

So I was thinking about movie lines and primary. I haven't been involved with primary now for about a year which is a nice break on account of our tour of duty both in Benson Mill ward and previous wards. Primary is one crack up after another. Kids all being herded into a small room overcrowded like public school, it's a great sight. Over weight teachers that get stuck sitting upon the small chairs because all the other adult chairs magically disappear. Sunbeams that are fresh from the at home potty training course's, most of them just didn't quite get the diploma's they need. All singing at the top of their lungs I am like a star shinning brightly.... I absolutely could not take myself serious but wait it gets better. A member of the bishopric steps into the room, a hush over the crowd befalls our youngsters as this magical man relates a story about how he wants all of us to listen to our teacher's and obey the prophet. I am amazed at how this member of the bishopric becomes candy to the kids, they love visitors it guess. So now to the movie lines, I was sitting in sacrament today thinking about the good things in life and how I am blessed when a thought popped into my head: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot. That is a great movie line. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I want to buy eight hot dogs and eight hot dog buns to go with them. But no one sells eight hot dog buns. They only sell twelve hot dog buns. So I end up paying for four buns I don't need. So I am removing the superfluous buns. Yeah. And you want to know why? Because some big-shot over at the wiener company got together with some big-shot over at the bun company and decided to rip off the American public. Because they think the American public is a bunch of trusting nit-wits who will pay for everything they don't need rather than make a stink. Well they're not ripping of this nitwit anymore because I'm not paying for one more thing I don't need. Everything in this room is eatable, even *I'm* eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. Character 1: I eat pieces of *crap* like you for breakfast.Character 2: You eat pieces of *crap* for breakfast? Zoolander, Happy Gilmore, the freaky new Willy Wonka show, and the weiner comment all came to mind while I was contemplating my place in the cosmos during sacrament. I would hope that humor is a big part of the afterlife. I would hate to be at the big conference in the sky and not be able to crack a joke. Also I realized that I am susceptible to Salomi club sandwiches. I made one of the best club sandwiches ever and the dang thing has done nothing but leave me in a painful situation and an embarrassment to society. Which in fact gives me a laugh when Misty and the kids catch a whiff and scatter the living room leaving me, my stink, and the t.v. all to myself. Sometimes the good things in life just needs to be the passing of gas and control of the remote.

All The Stuff I Got

2009-01-11T20:42:00.000-08:00

Everyone has stuff, lots of just stuff. I have a box full of cables, old cords, things that I am sure are meant to be thrown away and yet I have it. I was hoping to get rid of the odd stuff as we moved but I am still finding just boxes and more stuff. I really wished I would have let the box with all the "craft crap" fall out of the back of our 4 Runner (Mark calls it a Pilot) and smash all over the road, I wouldn't have stopped not even if it hit a little old lady waiting for the bus.

Misty and I have been really good at not collecting just things, or holding on to old worn out things, but I still find boxes of odd stuff. I am of the philosophy that if I can throw it away I will.

Switching gears, I am beating Misty to this post, she will have to tell you her side later.
Adam and Michelle, Steve and Kristin, and Teresa and all the babies came to pay us a visit, something Teresa, Kristin, and Misty have done each new year or as often as life permits is to make chili together and hang out. So we got to do Chili is fine '09 or something to that affect at our Moncur barn. Great friends, Misty changed her name to Juanita and made some really great tamales. The food was great, the company was the best! We are so grateful to have good friends.

Slow Day at the Office...and other random turd

2009-01-08T13:07:00.000-08:00

It has been weeks, days, and a long time since we have had the net or decent t.v. at our home. The installer man claimed chicken and didn't want to work on the roof, and he didn't want to call me to reschedule a time to come back which further delays any service to our Moncur tavern.

I don't mind waiting, I don't mind being told to wait, but to not tell me what to expect just makes me want to come undone and punch you in the throat. Communication is key to so many stupid things, basically I think it comes down to the fact that I don't like people or, the idea of customer service. i like salad, mustard, and relish. I know how everything evolves around customer service.

I am customer service, I am the one talking kindly on the phone filling in other people's crappy requests while mine go unattended. Fast forward to tonight, I get to enjoy the net, watch whatever channel pleases me on the dish and play Wii with Zach and Kam, I don't like to play that thing with Zach on account that he has to be in charge and boss me around, what is worse is when he wins. He isn't humble about it, no he has to say mean things like, "you got beat by a five year old" or "your an old man". I know I can take him down pretty easy now but some day that kid will have a solid right hook. i like to play Wii with Kam because she shares and has no care in the world if she wins or looses. She just likes to play. Tonight was a real treat on account of the GAC channel showing Smokey and the Bandit. Classic show with all your favorite stars, Burt, and that old chic what does the commericals for Activa yogurt to keep you regular and your bones from busting when you reach for the Activa from your couch. Sally Fields that's the one. Anywho me and the little miss night owl got to watch to our hearts content. I did mention it was classic right?

Glad to have the net and good channel selection again. Can't wait for the super bowl. Oh yeah do the snow plows come to your hood 'cause we ain't getting much love in our hood. That last statement is courtesy of BET channel you know Black Entertainment Television, someday when I have a mint, I am going to blowup the satellite that broadcasts them. And while I am at it, those dang fools that call me from time to time wanting me to donate my money to the Negro College Fund. What the heck is that all about!? Are you joking me, call me racist but not only no but yeah no thanks. All in all it has been a pretty sweet 4 weeks, Christmas was good, new years was great and now I look forward to a nice end to winter because I am ready for spring! Okay all done here enjoy your weekend.

The Home Buying Experience

2008-12-09T18:15:00.000-08:00

First 6 months: Eh? Who needs savings we got 6 months!
First request for documentation: "Hey Misty, that paper, the one I was using to support my soda, wher'd it go?"
First Appointment with the home builder: Me: "So, ya gonna dig the hole or what?"
First Appointment for home fitting: Me: "I can totally build that, you don't need to finance a furnace" Misty: " A hole in the wall, and a make shift chimney doesn't mean its a furnace."
2ND Home fitting meeting: Misty: "Do you like this color with this color to match that color?" Me: "it's fine, can I go now?"
Final Finance Meeting: Me: "Mr. owl, exactly how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop" Finance Guy: 30 years @ 6% $5,800.00 down.
Signing away our lives for 30 years.... priceless

What was your experience?

Greatful.... Bah Humbug!

2008-12-04T21:42:00.000-08:00

I don't want to be grateful, I want to sleep and watch football. I want to rest with a cold soda, club sandwich, and watch football. I want to listen to my mp3 player, relax with a cold soda, club sandwich and flip though the judge Judy on t.v. I don't want to pack, move, work, sell stuff, find stuff, be nice, clip Zach or Kamrynn's toe nails, serve, waiter, family mover guy, kid russ'lin, and friends of the kids kick them out exterminator person. No, I don't want to do any of these things lately. All the things that bring me joy now are terrible things. Things like watching old You Tube episodes of the Red-Green show, or things that suck up my time like blog reading or posting when in fact I should be concentrating on other important things. No, I do not want to have to fax, e-mail, listen to my boss, or run another inventory cycle count. No, I don't want to have to gather up important papers, run to freaking Idaho twice in a week, or try to make arraignments to get out of work when right now work sounds GREAT! Yes, I want a cold soda, good football game, and a club sandwich. No, I do not want to work on finding out any of the great mysteries of the universe, I just want a cold soda, club sandwich, and a good night's sleep. Maybe I will listen one more time as the mortgage guy says, "yeah Dave, I need a copy of your W-2 from 1985" or I need another copy of bla bla bla even though you sent that to me yesterday. No I don't want to answer your gospel question in Sunday school, I just want to listen. No, don't ask me to be Joseph in the play, I am not an actor or singer, or transformer. Yes, I am a Grinch green all over this year but sometime soon the sun will come out again, and I will be ready for that time with a cold soda, club sandwich, and a good time at hand.

Local News and Weather

2008-11-30T09:04:00.000-08:00

Checking out the local news and weather report is how we celebrate a victory of kids actually going to bed and asleep, Zach rarely gives us any trouble, but that Scorpio girl of ours is just the opposite and has the ability to turn into a night owl. Back to the news, Dan Pope, Marti, Kevin, and all the stand by's for weekends. The transition from news to weather to sports is the true entertainment. I don't exactly know what it is, but the hype and the drama about the possibility of having to use Google Earth to "pin point" a snow flake in my neighborhood gives me a much needed laugh. How all the news stations let me know how important it is to "know before you go" like that is going to get me out of work, "hollo boss, yeah it's me Dave, listen I now know before I go so I won't be coming into work." They use catchy phrases like "4-Warn Weather" and "Live 5 VIPOR" oooh, ahhh, and the weekend stand in's I know they just found that guy or girl off of Cougar Beat or UTAH NOW shows.
It is mostly entertaining and interesting to see the folly in the reporting of the "local news" that Bill Gephart and Debbie Ker-plak-istan are top notch. After the weather I like to make a nice club sandwich with pickle and watch Arrested Develpment re-runs with Misty.

Thankful day

2008-11-28T22:00:00.000-08:00

More over I want to thank that kid in 5Th grade who's last name was Butt, yes you read right, his name was John Buttz. I would scan a photo from my year book but eh, anyway I wanted to finally thank John Buttz because he took the heat off of me when I was in Mrs. Pelton's class, in the which I got busted by the bully kid Paul Thaxton, (I could probably find him on some sex offender list now) picking my nose and wiping the content under my desk. Yep, I got ridiculed for digging for buggers. You see when I got busted John was sitting a ways from me, minding his own business, just when Paul began to rally up the class to pulverize me with jokes of nose pick 'n, there I was like a puppet on a string I was in his hands. I could see what Paul was about to say, those words, bugger picker! I almost saw his mouth form the words just as John Buttz let out a loud and nosy fart. You see during our lunch it was pizza day and for some reason the pizza didn't fit well with John just like his last name. Something had to give, and thankfully it was John. I never got to say thanks, so I sit here tonight enjoying a soda and packing boxes getting ready for moving day. Today I say thanks. Now didn't that just about sound like one of those Budweiser commercial men of genius.

I do want to thank some people who are important in my life. Mom, thanks for being so strong when you don't want to be. Brian, dude, I know your reading this at some point you need to know that I love you. Ann, common girl come spend some time with your bro in Utah. Gary, tuff times call for strength and thanks for not being a wimp. My cousins, Ha! I love you guys too even though I think Travis is going to be the next Uni-bomber sorry dude I think its in your gene code. Heather (Gary's wife) your good people, it is nice of you to take care of other people's kids, I am sure you and Gary would be good foster parents. You should look into that.
Finally to Misty, thanks babe.

Everclean - by far the Greatest Boy Band - better than KISS

2008-11-05T21:36:00.000-08:00

Sons of Provo has been a crack up for a long time but lately I have just been laughing listening to the soundtrack a few too many times in a row. Play it 'til you kill it right?

A Few Things

2008-10-26T13:36:00.001-07:00

This is our future back yard, the grade will slope enough for us to have a split level back yard.
Which means more work.
As you drive into the neighborhood, sweet huh?

Misty and I wanted to try a date night with the kids. This is the jest of it.
Friday night the fam and I went on a "double date" that's right, Kamrynn was my date and Zach was Misty's. We explained that on a date we don't fart and think it's funny, (even though everyone does) we open the door for girls, and always say nice things.

We wanted to try something local so we went to dinner in Grantsville at some China Bob's Chinese joint. I don't like Chinese as much, I just can't get behind people thinking that rice is a course in the meal, that it should be served alone as it's own meal. Rice is like a snack that fills you before you get the good stuff. That being said I wasn't in too much support of China Bob.

The local scene was Grantsville, they had CNN on a flat screen playing in the back ground. The Po-Po Platter was a nice meal to share, Kamrynn was most disappointed because there were no french fries. Zach on the other hand didn't want to try much except for the egg rolls, which he devoured. Misty loves Chow-Min and about the only thing we could get Kam to eat were the little corn vegetables mixed in with the Chow-Min. The locals drifted in and out with various sizes and shapes, families, and singles, couples with matching Harley Davidson jackets, and one man who was still wearing his bright orange highway road crew vest. It was awesome. Like I said, I don't support rice as a meal, but the rest of the dinner was great. We did take home extra Chow-Min, egg rolls, and Won-Ton which is my favorite. During the date Kamrynn and Zach needed to excuse themselves to use the bathroom, Zach doesn't need too much supervision, but Kamrynn still yells at the top of her bathroom voice, "I'm DONE!!" whomever takes Kamrynn to the bathroom gets the famous yell announcing her triumph and successfully defeating of the pot.

It was mine to suffer... publicly. Misty's date got the door for her and said nice things, my date got me a full moon and a smile.

We ended dinner and paid for our extra China Bob's food and got ice cream at Solburg's Market.
I figured we would run into some of Misty's family there but our shopping went unnoticed.
Western Family has some grommet ice cream and I remember James telling me about it so we went with the best, Moose Tracks. Russell's brand ice cream has somehow cheeped out on the peanut butter cups, making me revert back to the Blue Bunny brand, but somehow Western Family pulled it off and made a real good Moose Tracks.

Our date ended at 9 o'clock! Our kids were bushed and luckily fighting a cold so off to bed they went with Robitussin dreams to sustain them.
Oh yeah, earlier in the day we went to check out what the dude is going on with our house here are the latest results.

Weekending

2008-10-19T19:59:00.000-07:00

Work + Inventory + Whacked out inventory = Hell week. Football players use hell week to get into serious shape and ready themselves for the upcoming season. I use Hell week to blitz the inventory at work. Counting everything isn't the problem, but reconciling the lost or bonus dollars drives me nuts. I hate the event and I am not looking forward to it.

First of all it is at a crappy time, our inventory has to be counted the day after Thanksgiving! I can't make any plans for that week. Then we have to "Team-up" with people who are not in my department and couldn't really tie there own shoes to begin with and therefore I believe should be ejected from counting on account that I don't want to do things twice.

I hate inventory. So this weekend I vented some built up hatred toward a part of my job and saw the Weenier mobile. Enough said.

I hope everyone else had as good a weekend as me. I only wish that my cousin's would have come to the City of Rocks, and my sister. I am glad that I got to spend time with those people that I love. It was good to see everyone, even Heather!

The Awsome-ness of the 4-Runner

2008-10-13T19:02:00.000-07:00

I have introduced my son to some of the old t.v. shows I used to enjoy when I was a kid, Dukes of Hazard, and Night Rider to name a few. He has a fascination with the "General Lee" a bright orange Dodge Charger complete with a confederate flag paint job. With Net-Flicks we have seen a couple of the episodes and the high flying action of the General Lee.

Moving on... Sunday afternoon we went searching for a dirt road to explore. Mostly to get out of the house and see some of the last fall colors here in hill-billy heaven. Finding a dirt road isn't too hard but traveling can be. I should have taken better pictures of where we were and the road we were on, but I guess the words will have to do. Our truck as we call it is a Toyota ('yoda by the locals) 4 Runner. It isn't the v-8 which I am glad it isn't, but the more powerful v-6. The fun part about this whole blog is this. Misty almost pucked, hurled, blew chunks, lost her toilet, I heard that phrase in Texas once. We 4 'wheeled in places that looked like only AT V's could go. It was awesome! The 4 Runner has a standard locking center differential, and a really cool feature called DOC which only works in 4 lo, lowest gear, the function works with the transmission and brakes to keep the vehicle at 2 miles per hour, we crawled up steep trails and down some funky hills. Kamrynn and Misty didn't much care for the adventure, but me and Zach had a blast. My brothers and sister remember "Pee-Wees" gravel pit, well amplify it by 5 it was that cool.

BYU

2008-10-04T06:58:00.000-07:00

Brigham Young... The words make one shutter in ones underpants alone. You return missionaries out there, did any of you ever feel a little nervous when a member of the seventy would come visit your mission? I always got nervous when we were visited by our rep from the seventy. That nervous feeling is almost how I feel about B Y U.

Anyway to focus on my topic B Y U, I am not a fan of the college as much as I am of the men's football and basketball teams. I loved watching them play when I was a kid with my family. My dad was a huge fan of B Y U sports. Lots of screaming, jumping, and mom making popcorn all for our enjoyment. Good times with the family.

I always believed I would attend B Y U at some point in my life. I figured that I would become a great financial wizard and a B Y U grad. Luckily at the point of picking a school to attend my grades saved me from what would have been a teenage disaster. As I grew up a little, finished my mission in Texas, I could see how it takes a real desire to attend B Y U. Good for those people who did. I just think that being a sports fan of B Y U is enough. As far as the U goes.... got to love the Utes just the same.

The Work Dumpster Diver Guy

2008-08-27T21:43:00.000-07:00

I have a weekly dumpster diver that likes to visit my work. I work in an industrial area where there are a lot of diffrent warehouse and machine shops around. Also there is a huge recycling center a few miles away. This place is a mecca for all sorts of Gypsy's to take various metals and other metal stuff and sell it, maybe on E-bay, I don't really know. I have had this shaggy-hair, drifter come almost weekly to dive our dumpster, and each time he comes I have to shew him off like a fly. You see I don't care if he wants to dive into our trash and recycle all the used filters and other junk, it is better that he comes to collect the stuff so that it can be recycled anyway, if he can make a buck or two that's fine by me. The problem is the caveman's timing is always wrong, I constantly have traffic in and around our building because we have a stock yard were we sell our fuel tanks, and traffic seems to always be moving. The vehicle that Mr. Diver drives is an old Chevy truck held together with chicken wire and can fit three other guys that seem to always tag along to help out or maybe they are the pit crew for the truck for when it breaks down. I have meet with the diver group and even given them bottled water while I explained to them that it was important not to come trash collecting during working hours, but to come freely after hours. Each time the Sasquatch man appears with his freak parade, I have been polite and asked him to move his hill-billy mobile while I worked around his diving opps. I have dealt with the caveman who doesn't seem to speak a lick of English, but does understand "va-man-ous! el creep-os!!" I realize that he is probably supporting all of his family members in Mexico by recycling our waste, but I have told him too many times before to come after hours, so today I let him have it. I again found his truck blocking the entry while our customer had to wait to enter our stock yard. This time I did something diffrent, instead of asking him to stop what he and his g-grew were doing and move his truck, I simply started my forklift and I picked up his beater mobile with our fork lift, then moved his truck for him by lifting it with my forklift and moving it down the 200 foot drive, then across the street. I set it down gently and politely told him, and the freaks they had to beat it now. He cursed me out in Spanish or something, I don't think he had all of his teeth so I assume it was Spanish, a lot of nashing of teeth or gums. I wonder if he will listen and come get our used crap after hours like I asked. Something new to post anyway.

First Day of School

2008-08-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

#50

2008-08-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

This marks POST #50. Sorta a milestone? Men shouldn't be proud of there blogs, it isn't very manly in my own opinion, but at the same time I can't help but write. I will close with one of my favorite movie clips from Kamrynn and Zach. Because come on that is what this is all about, only this time I am not so much complaining as I am grateful.

Ode To My Wife

2008-08-20T15:50:00.001-07:00

For the the little things our spouses do, for all the kid raising, meal making, event planning, church going, all of the Christmas, thanksgiving, birthday, and every other holiday event.
Ode to my wife for helping me get threw this life. This life without troubles and worries (not many). From her, I get my life spent without a fight or yell or scream or you sleep on your side night. I find nice letters, perfect in every literary way, bright smiles and loving hugs at the end of my work day. From her, no garbage or boring conversation, just Misty being Misty.
So I say to Misty thanks for fixing my blog and helping me in life.

Men at Costco

2008-08-15T18:18:00.000-07:00

A few points I want to make.
A. Why is there so many men at Costco during normal work hours? Do they not have families to tend to? while I rush in to get my $1.50 hot dog and soda during my lunch hour. I think to myself what are all these dudes doing here? Could it be some sort of migration instinct, for what seems like thousands of men to come to Costco during lunch. Weird.

B. I-80 driver's. Misty and I have had some close calls on the road. I.E. if you drive I-80 here, watch out, there are some bad drivers.

C. Now that the state has gone to a more environmental-Eco-friendly schedule, it has thrown off the timing of my regular commute, in a good way I have noticed less morning hassle.

D. Zach. Spider boy is loosing his first tooth. The day that he noticed his tooth becoming loose, he screamed like a girl and was frantic. Only after his mother told his it was "cool" to loose a tooth did he become normal again.

E. Metro-sexuals. That's a real problem with me. The whole idea creeps me out. Men wanting to become fashionable, keep your homo agenda to yourself, homo.

F. Stuff in my house that I can't seem to find because of my children's toy box, blankets, movies, and other paraphernalia. It seems to me that my offspring tend to rule this home by pushing out me and my crap. Case in point, the kids have made it a point to pull down the box of toys marked "useless and stored for moving day" on account that Zach was quote, "looking for something."
G. Things that must go: Neighborhood kids at 5:30 p.m. I am tired and want to spend time with my family, neighborhood kids need to beat it. Gas prices. Soda refills for $1.25, and groceries in general. Ward activities director. R.C. Willy in general. VW Jetta drivers, Dodge Neon's, and finally blue hair'd old lady drivers. Sean Hanity, Rush, and the other main-stream media war-mongers.

H. Things that need to come back: $1.00 movie theater. ESPN (1999 ESPN without all the extra ESPN) Quarter pop in Harrisville. Adam my old roommate. Dates with my wife, dating Misty is a lot of fun. VH-1 when it was cool to watch. MASH, Dukes of Hazard, and Love Boat (because now I can watch it and see why my parents made me go to bed when it was on). 1995 Country music and finally my size 32 waist, mind 34-36 but I could be happy with 32.

In closing:
Everyone enjoy the Olympics!

Fancy Prego-Belly Pictures

2008-08-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

Photo Clip is from the movie CLICK
what is with the world these days? Everyone has heard about the pregnant man right? Sick.
This might be a knock on all you ladies as you celebrate your pregnant baby bellies. What is with you girls posing vogue with a basketball belly anyway? Do you think it is sacred? I kind of get creeped out with the photos. Something weird about looking vogue with a belly. I know that there are those men out there that wear the speed-o and have the gut. My co-worker just got back from Sturgis North Dakota, it was was her and her husband's 8th year in a row. Apparently you have no status until the 10th year. Needless to say she shared some photos that would make your stomach turn with the fat people and the nakedness of it all. Scary. I think in the end pictures of a vogue prego nature might be the type to only share with close family and friends.

Well on with the Olympics! Everyone loves the Olympics.

Kiddos

2008-08-08T23:47:00.000-07:00

Fake Laughs and Phony Conversations

2008-08-08T18:02:00.000-07:00

Have you caught yourself doing this? Laughing but not laughing. Smiling and physically present but emotionally void? What about talking within a group, but not involved at all in conversation?

I have to tell you all that fake conversation, fake laughing, and all the phony conversations exist because there is present among us the pencil-neck geek. The pencil-neck geek can be male, female, and comes in a variety of color. One distinct feature among all geeks is the elongated neck. The purpose of such a feature must be to attract other geeks for mating, as of late the geek is not an endangered species.

Geeks run rapid among us they come in various sizes and ages. Some geeks can be as young as our little neighbor boy whom thinks it is alright to ram his head into our wall for no purpose but further accelerate his present brain damage. Geeks can be a "family group" as well. Starting with the father geek, once the male geek establishes his territory he trys to attract a mate by stretching forth his long neck, soon a "herd" of geeks takes root in the neighborhood.
Geeks then take on American jobs, and integrate themselves in modern society. They are working and living among us. Everyday citizens and co-workers. How does one know when one is among geeks? A few simple, obvious features are [1] Longer then usual neck [2] walk as if one leg is "stuck" permanently to the ground, while the other flops awkwardly in motion [3] carries on a conversation with a fake laugh followed by another laugh [4] annoys the heck out of you by asking you for information that you are not qualified to give [5] incontinent
With these obvious signs you are sure to know, someone among you is a pencil-neck geek.
This begs the question, so what is to be done? A few suggestions I have are simple. Loose gun laws, geek tax, and regulated breeding.
Perhaps, in time the only way to see a pencil-neck geek will be at a petting zoo. One can hope for a brighter future. The more you know (star flaring off).
Can we all please stop the fake laughing, and phony conversations.
Song is from Fred Blasie. Funny stuff.Back when I was a kid, life was going swell.Till something happened, blew every thing to hell.That night my daddy stumbled in, all pale and weak,Said, "A woman up the block just gave birth to a geek."Mom said, "Sell it to the circus, what the heck."Dad said, "Nope, this one's a pencil neck.And if there's one thing lower than a side show freak, It's a grit eatin', scum suckin', pencil neck geek."You see if you take a pencil that won't hold lead, Looks like a pipe cleaner attached to a head,Add a buggy whip body with a brain that leaks,You got yourself a grit eatin', pencil neck geek.(chorus)Pencil neck geek, grit eatin' freak, scum suckin', pea head with a lousy physique.He's a one man, no gut, losing streak.Nothin' but a pencil neck geek. Soon the geeks were poppin' up all over town. You couldn't hardly sneeze without knockin' one down.After a nice juicy steak, if you need a toothpick,Just reach for a geek, they'll do the trick.One day we cut one up for fish bait. Learned our lesson just a little bit late.Soon as the geek hit the drink, the water turned red.Next day, sure enough, all the fish were dead.chorusMost any night you know where I can be found.Yeah, stomping some geek's head into the ground.So keep the faith, 'cause in Blassie you can trust,I won't give up 'til the last geek bites the dust.chorusThey say these geeks come a dime a dozen.I'm lookin' for the guy who's supplyin' the dimes.Its gonna be real hard times for all of thesegrit eatin',scum suckin',boot lickin', drop kickin', gut grindin',nail bitin',glue sniffin',scab pickin',butt scratchin',egg hatchin',sleazy,smelly,pepper bellied, dirty, lousy, rotten, stinkin', freaks.Nothing but a pencil neck geek.

Home Teaching

2008-08-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: Sensitive matter and personal opinions are just that opinion. I do not like to dabble in religious matters, I am however opening the door for discussion.

Listen,
Has everyone seen the movie, "Home Teacher's"? Based on a couple of home teacher's that have an adventure trying to do their home teaching. The movie is great, because one companion is a "letter of the law" the other is a slacker. Near the end of the movie, the letter of the law companion has a softer heart, based on the fact that his life isn't so great, while the other slacker sees the need to pay more attention to what his family is doing and what he is missing out on.

So our ward has two elders quorums. I like that because I don't feel lost in a shuffle. Although I do not want to draw attention at the same time. I have known my companion briefly, met him once called him several times by phone. I felt like it was my responsibility to "let God know, I wanted to be a good home teacher" and actually want to go home teaching with a good feeling about it, I believe that by doing so, I would "bless my house" because of the desire to do something good, and it is asked of me. I am not going to complain about making appointments, and follow-up, I know what it is, I served a mission, I have been a home teacher for some time now. I recently got a phone call from my elders quorum asking me about did you see your families this month. The voice on the phone could not have been more dead to me then if it was Lurch from the Addams Family, "you rang".
During the conversation, I was asked had so-and-so come to see our family, my answer: no, we have never had home teachers since we have lived here in Stansbury Park. The secretary on the phone apologized. I said what for, it isn't your responsibility to be sorry because no one has come over to tell me one of President Monson's stories. How should you be apologizing for someone else's opportunity to receive a blessing? If home teachers don't want to come see our family, that really doesn't change my testimony. I have to answer for the same question as well. I don't want to cause a lighting bolt because I didn't make an honest effort to do something about home teaching. I call, and meet my companion, but I constantly get "dogged". I understand what being "dogged" means. I served a mission. I want to home teach for my benefit, not for someone else. Selfish, perhaps but if I do my home teaching it would be in a spirit of meaningful purpose, and not because it is a duty. So I am going to go with or without my companion, I will take my son, or one of my neighbors. Needless to say, I hate getting a phone call, asking me how did I do this week and what can I do better for next week. Let me tell you, I will write about it in my next letter to the mission president. Does that bring back some memories for anyone? My intention is to get some advise, anyone have some?

This Was Too Good To Pass Up

2008-07-31T21:57:00.000-07:00

BREAKING NEWS: Burley bank robbed, suspect escapes on bicycle
Maybe the Burley Vise Squad can put this guy back on the force. Deputy Fife: "Here at 'the Rock,' we have two basic rules. Memorize them so you can say them in your sleep. Rule One: Obey all rules! Second, do not write on the walls...as it takes a lot of work...to erase writing...off of walls."
http://www.southidahopress.com/
How crappy is this? I know right now in Burley there are at least five little old blue haired ladies gathered around a kitchen table squwaking all about it, as if it was a Golden Girls episode! This will make news in Burley last a few days of good investigative reporting. I especially love this line was cut and paste note: this crap ain't made up. From the story, quote: "Police are looking for a Hispanic male who is 5 feet 5 inches tall and about 25 years old. He was wearing glasses and a black felt "Indiana-Jones type" hat. The man was dresses in a red sleeveless shirt with a white tee-shirt underneath and black shoes. He left the bank riding a red bicycle." Watch out he's on bike, probably something he stole from a freckled faced kid.
Ha! Classic. Burley news, it's like Debbie Gervonahump from KSL investigative writing!
My gut hurts. Oh, man breathe slowly. Almost as good as Senator Graig I am not gay speech!

Speak ENGWISH!

2008-07-31T19:24:00.000-07:00

Welkom, we vite you join us far dinner. You wrike noodle? Aren't accents the best?!
There is this little 'ol oriental food joint near my work that I sometimes use for lunch, because you can get won-ton and three other items under five bucks. Sure the burn from your gut might end up killing you later, but from time to time I like to think I live life on the edge. So I am going back to school, this fall. School is like that black hole in one's life that doesn't seem to end but sucks up your whole universe. I will admit that I have been a "late bloomer" in regards to the education achievement. I blame Idaho, and my children. Which is my right as their gene carrier. When I get a dog, I will blame all my farts on that animal, until then Kami is known to really light up a room. Weber State has a lot of good classes online which I think is the only way to get your lower division stuff done. Sometimes I am really jelious of the one's who get all the education done, then start families. I really admire the one's who do the family, and the education at the same time. Don't you agree that at times you feel as if you are trying to run a race that never ends, and all the bottle water along the way is just stale SLC County water making the running of the race that much more of a challenge? I took a few a.p. classes in high school, why? because the baseball coach was the teacher and it turned out to be an easy B+ for me. The real dumb thing is I never took the test for the collage credit. Misty, this is the part in the show where you stamp "ASS" across my picture like on Conan. That really is good comedy. Back to that black hole idea, Burley, Idaho the place of my childhood. I do think of it as a "Mayburry Hell" because of the limits I felt at the time, were placed upon me while I was growing up. Ask my brothers and sister. Testify. So here I am, with a wife and kids (sounds like a sit-com) and I am complaining about going back to school. Everyone does it, but this is my blog so I am making this my opportunity to complain online. All the ifs in life and the might haves don't make complaining worth the time I have spent typing this message, so I will say that although life is what you make it to be, in the end it isn't going to matter much if there isn't a girl in it.
(that one's for you Misty)

Deeds

2008-07-24T22:09:00.000-07:00

So I am at the soda store getting a cold Dr. Pepper, as I make my way to the cash register I meet another person at the same register. There becomes a moment when it is about to be awkward because someone is going to have to give up the high ground, the right of way to the register first. So I did, I said, "please go ahead" to which I got in reply, "are you sure?" I had to think, why would anyone say that when the green light and right of way was clearly given to them? Why question the fact that I gave that awkward moment a chance to be less awkward by letting the person go ahead of me. Why am I the one getting questioned about being sure? I felt confident enough. Thought it threw in a second, made a decision and went with it. But now I had to see if I truly was sure, as if I needed a lawyers permission, and it isn't like I was giving up a million dollars, I simply wanted that person to finish up so I could pay for my Delicious soda. I didn't want to pay extra for putting up with a question about being sure. Just another set back that kept me from drinking my soda. My soda, cold, goodness soda. No kids asking for a drink from my soda, only me. So my second reply was "yep" but really I was thinking, "I'm sure gonna kick you in the nut if you don't move it." Another thing about being helpful, if I fix your kids bike one time don't think that I am all of the sudden your handy man. In Grantsville, if you open the door for people and you get out of the way so they may pass you and they instead open the other door, that must really mean they are French, and we all know the French are a-holes.

Tagged!

2008-07-22T21:00:00.000-07:00

So Misty was tagged and therefore I am also tagged. This is how I feel about the tagged part of being tagged. 1. take right hand, extend hand in front of self 2. thumb up then point down towards your feet. 3. place tongue on base of your lip, blow air out of mouth to produce a "pppaaapppaaa" mission accomplished.
I don't set goals, ever since my mission ended because for two years I set goal after goal after goal I figured I am good for another year or two before I have to set another goal. I have a lot of fears, like getting stuck in a public bathroom.

Maybe I just have a bad additude towards being tagged. Misty is the one who doesn't like games.

Drive In Movie

2008-07-20T21:03:00.001-07:00

Have you seen Kung-Fu Panda? If you have seen this movie by choice maybe you wont like this post and should leave now. If you have a kid, then my guess is you have. In fact, I can almost promise that all of the parents out there in the world can name at least ten cartoons without stopping to think about it. Disney is an evil empire even though this is not a Disney show. Misty and I loaded up the 4Runner with our little herd and took off for the drive in movie in Tooele. When I pulled into a spot, I sort of felt like a refugee in a camp of some sorts, cars, trucks, campers, and mini-vans all spread out with small bar-b-q's and lawn chairs. Jeff Foxworthy would have been proud of some of the attendees. when the movie came to an end I asked my son to come with me so that he could use the bathroom before the next movie started which was Indiana Jones. We get to the men's room and it was a solid line of little boys with there dad's waiting to pee. The scene was one that if you are shy in public you would be horrified. Zach turns to me before our turn and simply said "let's blow this taco stand Dad, there's lots of guys here." Misty and I use the term blow this taco stand a lot, but I didn't think my five year old could use it. I also didn't think that he would be shy about peeing in public but strangely he was. We went back to camp and he complained about having to go really bad. I did the next logical thing, we were in the last isle of cars and as dark as it was I simply let him pee on the car tire next to us. Yep, some stranger's car tire was pee'd on. Misty didn't know and still doesn't know until she reads this blog later. Zach asked me if I would pee with him too, so I did. We pee'd on the tire of some stranger together, now that is bonding right? The only disappointment at all was that Kamrynn got a fever that still hasn't let up. Any of you got some drive in stories to share? Maybe that left a door open to hear about how some of your children were conceived?

Adam Sandler is a Great American

2008-07-18T22:54:00.001-07:00

Well I like his movies anyway, I also like that he has a "side kick" in Rob Schneider. One of my favorite Rob Schneider characters is "Ula" "Sharks are like dogs, they only bite if you touch their private parts." Who can forget the Wedding Singer, "Well I have a microphone and you don't so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!” Sometimes you just need a good quote to start your day. Misty says I screw up movie lines, which she is right, although over the many years of our marriage I've gotten better. I can make the point, maybe not verbatim. Who can forget "Better Off Dead" Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that. Now shifting gears, I was flipping the radio dial and got stuck on KSL, the whine-o hour with my favorite punching bag Sean Hannity. He was boo hooing because the "liberal media" didn't give Sen. John McCain a lot of new hype when he went to Iraq. Geese does Sean need a poo poo change or what, I compare Sean's "show" to one of my daughter's tantrums, whinny,loud, and lazy. Well switch gears again, we are trying to get a home built. We have a lot, a bunch of people telling me they are working on permits, and the what not but mostly by December we will move to our new home. Switch gears again, the second week of August I will be taking Misty to her very first Burley Idaho Rodeo and Fair. It will be fun, pitures to follow.

I watched the sun set

2008-07-15T17:57:00.000-07:00

Awe, sunset, orange ball in the sky. No kids, no noise, no anoying ding! dong! ding! dong! of the door bell, no little face saying "can Zach and Kami play" which really means can your kid run in the street and play in the dirt with all the new home constuction and nails too? Some of the neighborhood kids just seem like the type who ride the short bus to kindergarden. Or the kid who says, "Zach can you play" to which Zach says "alright, as long as you don't fart on me". I really belive that we are all placed in the neighborhood we are in because the Lord wants us to learn something about the gospel. I have learned that two kids is enough to make me want to go mental, that town homes are not for everyone, and that crazy things happen when your kids are real quiet. Also I have learned that gospel principle's are not to be taken lightly. I was always told that my mission would prepare me for life. I do belive it did prepare me for marriage in the Temple, and for how I am to serve others, but I do have to say that I want to kick the guy in the nuts who said that mission service is the best two years of your life. The video called to serve needs to be updated with some sort of warning: what you are about to see is not actual events, some of these events are based on cartoons from living scriptures. I wouldn't want to discourage missionary service, because it is a responciblity that should be on the mind of every nineteen year old who is eligable to serve. Also, church meetings should start with sacrement first that way I get a damn seat with a cushion on it.

My Boy is an Island Boy

2008-07-08T21:36:00.000-07:00

Many of you know about Zach, how he Love's to climb things. Mainly with his feet. He attempts his climbs with a quick lick on his hands, then removes his sandals and slaps slime of Zach onto his feet also and shimmy's up. Up trees, up bed railings, between door jams, and lastly at the playground. Sure everyone knows about the tunnel slides, but my native island boy puts a twist by climbing the outside of the tunnel slide then hops onto the platform and swings his way down a support pole to the ground just to do it all over again. Today he did however master the monkey bars. He wasn't afraid to try them before, but I guess he just didn't have the mechanics down enough to understand the whole monkey bar operation. Well today he mastered them with ease. I just expect him to bring a coconut back every time.

The Public Crapper Syndrome

2008-07-07T17:13:00.000-07:00

This is a what I like to call capper"itus" or CORPOROPHOBIA fear of toilets, namely public johns. You know what I mean, your at the Bee's home game, start of the seventh inning stretch and you feel the urge to purge. Only you think twice, the thought of an unholy porcelain pony just makes the poo you thought you had to poo crawl right back up and say huh-uh! Then there are the truck stops, long road trip to grandma's house or to where ever the road takes you. So you stop at what appears to be a clean looking Chevron, get inside and it's this man-chick hanging out in the men's room! So you bolt out the door unsatisfied but not molestered. I think twice about the pot I choose to rest upon. At Sunday dinner, Dan made mention of the toilet service at the Government building he works at, gave some gory detail about mookie-stinks all over the floor and pouring into the next two stalls. Just shows how put out people really are about the economy huh? That brings up another thought, the places people choose to go and eat out at, is it really about the service and food or is about how clean the crapper is? I say it is almost completely dependant upon the the cleanliness of the toilet. Pizza Hut in Tooele, for instance (this comment has no bearing on Jessie}the crappers are horrible, some sort of spin off from the Dugway Proving Grounds. Anyway this comment is over. Kids are screaming and somebody has to play referee.

what the crap was that last post about anyway

2008-07-04T22:01:00.001-07:00

We went as a family to the fireworks show tonight, no pictures because it is Grantsville, there would be the possibility of ugly naked dancing in the background.

So our kids had fun, cousins had fun, glow sticks, chips, grapes, blanket, and yes bang, boom, pop, and some crashes. Lots of lights, and smoke, no real bad traffic and as a finale what was that last post about? I don't know, maybe it was the combination of things.

Anyway hope your 4Th of July was a bang too!

Not exactly Paul Harvey...Good day!

2008-06-30T22:39:00.000-07:00

Blogging has become a weird way of getting to know people. Sometimes getting to know about there most in depth feelings and life stories. Always about kids, and what doing what, who's got pee pee in the pants, and all of this commentary is brought to us by blogging. You want to see the world, look at other people's blog, that would make you a little bit of a snoop but then again it is the Internet. You should know by now that if you don't want something out in cyber-space don't put it out there. We live in a time of awesome technology and at the same time, creeps trying to peep into windows using Google Earth. It's too bad that we live in a time when people of the world would just as soon spit on you as to shake your hand. Now I am not saying that is always the case. blogging is a good source of information about the events of all my family. I get my family news from the blog of others. Media has been using the blog source for sometime, I think it is a funny way to get a message out, for instance if I was a Boston Celtics fan I might post on ESPN.com about how great the Boston dynasty is. Alas I am not a Boston fan and have this to say, it was a fluke, paid for in full by commissioner David Stern to further monopolize the NBA to achieve its ultimate goal of cyberborgs which in turn take over our government. The NBA would have us all believing that NBA games are not staged. Entertainment value but at what cost? The blog is a powerful new weapon to get a point across.

Avenged by wrist rocket

2008-06-26T22:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight as a family we decided to ride our bikes together, sometimes it is a chore and not a recreation on account that we have a speedy boy and a cruiser girl. It can make for a tuff outing although Kam, made it up the big hill almost by herself. We left our digs to venture out and get away from the diving bird. It will swoosh you, try to talon you with it's little feet. Along our travels I noticed one of the boys that Misty and i use to substitute teach in primary, his name is Aaron, he is about 8-9 years old and had a b-b gun! So I hired Aaron to come shoot the bird. We went onward with our ride, after an agreement/contract to kill the bird was made. When we finished our ride and came home I saw feathers on our roof all good signs that the bird was swimming with the fishes. Not so, our neighbor, pulled out his wrist rocket and plucked that bird out of the sky! He said it had flown off and that it had lost a lot of feathers. Maybe the bird is finally swimming with the fishes or it went to get more thugs from the west side to really do us in? Also we have a duck nesting in our pine tree. Our place of living is becoming the National Geographic Wild Kingdom or something.

Do You Smell That?

2008-06-24T21:44:00.001-07:00

Misty,

What the hell died in the trash can this afternoon? Did someone think it was okay to take a 'terd in our can? People in Africa could smell our can! I don't know exactly what was decomposing in our can, but whoa!

When I first moved to Ogden in '99 I was told about a phenomenon called "lake stink". If your from Utah, particularly the Washatch front, you know what it is. For the ignorant, it is a putrid stink from a stale, salt water lake. Some say it is attributed to the brine shrimp and the mud of the lake, I say it is a terrorist attack or a cruel joke played by God. The lake was a stinkin' late this evening, causing one to think that someone ate too many beans and got kicked out of the house or that Paul Bunion's blue ox really exists and likes to use the Great Salt Lake as a toilet. I have one more thing to mention, not of real use but here in the swamp of Stansbury Park we are a fortunate people, so fortunate as to have an old guy driving around in a small truck with what looks like a giant arosol can filled with bug spray fogging up the roadways. It's great but don't breathe that stuff in, also I wondered what would really happen if the Dougway place imploded, what sorta freaks would we become then?

Talk amongst yourselves...here's a topic...

2008-06-24T21:23:00.000-07:00

Remember SNL when it was funny? Mike, Adam, Chris, and the whole gang, well I watched SNL this past weekend because I got a chance too! What a let down, so the show has lost a lot of humor, but wait, something was a mist... I then I realized something. It struck me like a sauce pan to the head, I am about to be 32 years old. I don't understand 2008 SNL humor I am now a SNL senior citizen! I don't belong with "that" crowd anymore! To really put these thoughts of becoming a SNL senior citizen to rest I watched "Click" with Adam Sandler, he is one of my favorite comedians. I thought to myself Adam's movies should have the healing save I am looking for, but alas I wasn't completely happy. So I cranked up some Pearl Jam, Eddie Vedder always said it best..." oh, I'm still alive" sweet lyrics from a great band. Still, not even Eddie and his grunge style could cheer me up. I guess I need a porche? I also noticed that I get really agitated when I hear Conservative talk radio, I just scream "people, people, we need your money." Conservative radio is crazy. I would love to give all of the talk shows on the radio a big tall glass of shut the #$@% up. I am old, but not so old that I would have to kick my own @$$ for wearing traditional golf pants.

stephine plumb

2008-06-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

Misty did I spell this right? I am not known for my grammer and spelling skills, but that is one of the reasons I married Misty. Last night Misty comes home at midnight, I am waiting for her on the living room couch watching the last half of a crappy Conan O'Brien show when I hear the garage door crack open and the words "are you decent" come from behind. I think, am I decent? That could mean so much, do others consider me decent? Does the Queen of England think I am decent? What must one do to become "decent"? Should there be qualifications, education, or just clothes involved? I also thought what does my wife think I am, Hugh Heffnier lounging around in my smoker's jacket waiting to get some hot action? Decent, eh? From behind the door Misty walks into the room with Lara and they mention tamales, and Stephine Plumb. Stephine Plumb has been the focus of many a conversation these past few months. Stephine Plumb can't vote, can't read, can't wipe her own butt, why you say? Because she isn't real, she doesn't exist and will never really exist. Stephine Plumb is a character in a book that Lara and Misty have enjoyed reading about. Adventures galore because she is a bounty hunter, a worthless bounty hunter who can't seem to close any deal except ones that involve sex with Ranger and Marelli. I have really no point to make, no real problems with Stephine Plumb. I am glad that Misty and Lara find the books interesting and funny. I was just a little taken back on the "are you decent" remark.

"Push Her Down The Stairs"

2008-06-10T22:37:00.001-07:00

Remember Friends, the t.v. show? You know the song, I'll be there for you.... I would give Misty a season of Friends on DVD for her birthday or for anniversaries or for when I made her mad and needed to make up with her. Well I was wondering if T.V. has lost its luster. I am finding myself un-interested in any sit-com or reality anything shows. I simply turn the t.v. off. I do enjoy Scrubs (a.k.a. the new MASH sorta) and the Office, sometimes My Name is Earl, but other than the news I just don't get where all the entertainment went. So I say push T.V. down the stairs, kick it to the curb because it isn't worth watching anymore. Perhaps I am missing out although I don't feel like it. With the show Friends, it was more of a time when Misty and I could watch something together,laugh a lot, and eat ice cream. Then everyone started naming their kid Emma and ruined it for me. Thanks a lot Emma wherever you are. Does anyone remeber Saturday cartoons? Watching the new Saturday cartoons with my kids makes me sad too. If it isn't one thing it's another, taking away Scoby-Doo and Tiny Toones-Merry Melodies, bugs bunny and company. It's an injustice.

My Next Kid's Name Is Siverado, Yamaha Moncur

2008-06-10T22:07:00.000-07:00

I want a motorcycle. I want a Yamaha Silverado cruiser because it isn't a 650 or a Honda, and it isn't a Harley waste of money Davidson. I would love to cruise on this thing and I would be happy about picking bugs out of my teeth to get it. Also I could justify the buying of such said item because of gas prices and the royal screwing around the Bush administration has done with the economy, basically forcing the bike on me, but I would embrace it, love it, and ride off with Vanes-Hines pipes screaming down the highway-sweet thought. Of course paying insurance for 6 months out of the year extra to enjoy some bug picking time might not be economically sound, I don't know have to look into this some more. Honestly though who hasn't wanted to ride the open road on a motorcycle?

The King and Queen of Si-Am

2008-06-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

So my daughter, Kamrynn, was playing ball in the house, just a small rubber bouncing ball. Up and down that hall while I was folding Buzz Lightyear underwear. I would poke my head out into the hall from time to time to make sure no one was thrashing up the place too much. One ocassion in which I was poking my head out to survey some house abuse, I saw my three year old clearly toss the ball to the corner wall, turn to me and say "daddy, where did my ball go?" I looked puzzled at her and replied "in the corner where you watched yourself throw it." Kam-"Oh yeah" and on she goes playing.

Now that made me think a moment about why she would ask me where she clearly threw her ball. My son, in the mean time, has a friend over at the house, they are too busy playing trains when one of the trains turns for the worse and a battery finally gives out. I hear these words from the living room, "oh don't worry my dad can fix that in a jiff." A jiff? But that made me also think, how kids just trust parents for everything. All things, things that parents sometimes have absolutely no clue about but kids hang on to every word said as if it was gospel truth. Then comes the king demanding that he, and his subjects receive their taxes from the peasant (me) in the form of popsicles. Meanwhile the queen bounces in with the royal court and demands that she receive the first pick on account that she is a lady. At this point I feel as though I am over taxed and under appreciated at the same time, but wait there is a slight grin that comes to my face, soon 9:00 p.m. will be here and the spell that is cast on me will be broken-I am free.

TMZ Hollywood and movie quotes

2008-06-08T21:35:00.001-07:00

Okay TMZ what is that all about? I thought we got our Hollywood news(really, is though)from the Access Hollywood or something. I was flipping the channel and bam! there is a full spread about some Hollywood harlot and the party she fell out of. It was really sad that people are fascinated about how George Cloony visited a far off colony of lesbian Eskimos to preach American policy as an "Ambassador". As if he represented all Americans. How Madona or Angelina adopted another kid from some third world country. How would you like to be that kid or the countless others that were left behind? Made me think about the crappy state that the world is in and that things will only get worse. Can't anyone stand up to injustice? Why can't we all be a little like Stanly Spedowzki and say " Life is like a mop. Sometimes life gets full of dirt and crud and hairballs and things and you gotta clean it out. You gotta stick it in here and rinse it off and start all over again. And sometimes life sticks to the floor so much that a mop, a mop, it's not good enough. You gotta get down there with like a toothbrush, you know, and you gotta really scrub 'cause you gotta get it off. But if that doesn't work, you can't give up. You gotta stand right up. You gotta run to a window and say, "These floors are dirty as hell, and I'm not gonna take it any more." At the same time, Pamela Finklestein: "Broads don't belong in broadcasting"? Is that the kind of professional courtesy you teach your news department?
R.J. Fletcher: Why, that's a terrible thing. I don't know how many time I've told those boys, never call chicks broads. That is comedy people that is entertainment it just seems to me that getting my "entertainment news" from shows like TMZ or Access Holly-fart just seems sad. On the other hand I can't stand getting my news from KSL "on the nine's" just feels like a sea gull took a crap on me and I have to use spacial KSL cleaner to get it off. Lets just say that Grant and Amanda are way too cookie cutter perky. Well, that's it for me good night.

Blog comments

2008-06-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about my blog, your blog, all blogs in general. How people's lives are spilled out in paragraphs, pictures, and links. I think it is all interesting to see what people are thinking, feeling, struggling with, and all the comments. Comments are a great way to sorta play tag with each other. I read, comment, then post and comment. Who would think that the word "post" would mean anything other then something a mail box would rest on? I enjoy the fact that I can look at all the blogs out there on the Internet, browse and then bolt. Cruel, because no trace of me (my comment) was left? Maybe, because it appears that most blogs are for family. Families are a neat thing to be a part of, your never alone. Not even in the bathroom. I was also thinking about faith, thanks Rob for your "post" but in relation to marriage. I have a busted up green/gold Toyota Camry, not busted up beyond, but in need. Not charity, but in need of unconditional love. Misty mentioned to me that every time I work on something to do with the car, she worries about the outcome. Rightfully so because I am not a certified anything, although I feel that I am a master of the shovel and small tools. Having heard this from my eternal companion/best friend/wife/mother of my children/my everything I was a little crushed, but she did say something to the effect of that I always end up right. But my thought about faith remains, don't we all have to have faith in each other without question? Should I be completely unquestionable in Misty's abilities? Don't I have the right to fail and learn? I know she is better at things like putting the kids to bed then I am, but I would hope that she would have enough faith in my ability to do the same. Faith is not an easy thing to come by and I am finding out more with marriage and kids that faith is the basic fundamental foundation of my life. I don't like the fact that I have to have faith in others to to help my family, but the gospel says I have to have faith in the sunbeams teacher to help me teach my daughter about Jesus. It is easy to love, but trust must be earned. hard lesson to learn but how valuable if you can become trustworthy. Anyway just some random thoughts to "post".

Crap in my garage, and bums

2008-05-24T22:30:00.001-07:00

Misty and I wanted to see some friends of ours (new baby) so we went about our Saturday doing what we do but sort of on edge. Not mad, but we all felt as Misty would put it "jostled" which means give me my space. So off we went to SLC, thought we could make a pit stop at one of our favorite soda holes, Hearts on 7200 south. While stopped at the light, we talked about how on edge we were feeling and that Satan was working against us, so I thought I would thwart him off by doing something good? Everyone has seen a bum, not just your hind end parts, but the ones at the corner asking for your money mostly. I spotted me a bum, and sure enough he was taking hand outs so I gathered my handful of car change and just as I was rolling down my window... raised my arm to hand out the money.... eye contact was made between the bum and me... he made his move closer... he stepped off the sidewalk... walked toward me... my window all the way down, arm extended... closer... then the light changed! Traffic began to move, he stepped back onto the side walk, but my arm was outside the window, I had a choice to make, a decision that would make me a better man, a kind, giving man, a man my wife could be proud of, then I decided. I flung the change at him and punched the gas! How crappy a person am I! I threw money at a poor person, and I feel so bad because of it. I didn't look back but I am sure he got my few dollars in change and a life lesson, time your begging with the flow of traffic. We got our sodas, saw the new angel, and made merry on our way back home. Now as far as kids messing around with my stuff goes, my little miscreants scatter all my tools, sticks, bikes, water bottles, toys, boxes, dirt, and anything else they deem necessary to scatter in my garage. Garages are for two things, provide shelter for my crap and shelter for fixing my crap. I have storage boxes, lawn mower, cars, bikes, just too much crap for my garage to handle. Sometimes I feel like it's a popcorn bag waiting to bust open. I am grateful for my abused garage though.

El Whappo What is a Plethera anyway? -Heffey

2008-05-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

Does anyone remember The Three Amigos? If not I suggest checking it out. I was on the phone at work, talking with a vendor about some parts for a construction job. I had to ask the person on the other line to repeat himself a couple of times because of his heavy South American accent. I was as polite as I could be, but it is my job to get the right information the fist time, so I went as far as has having him use phone code. Me: "Opw Pisces part number 54344-009 test boot 150 psi net price and list price please." Vendor: "Es costa net 355.00 doolars, lisst prices es 540.80 doolars" Me: "I want to confirm the shipping, please use our UPS collect acct." Vendor: "Okay, shippes UPS costa added to prices with yous account." I tried to be nice, then I simply asked for another person to help me finish my order. I can't say that I wasn't getting help, but the help I was getting wasn't helping me. My three year old daughter could have done a better job. Is getting good service becoming a thing of the past? A few months ago we went to Idaho to see my family, along the road there are some stops we mean to stop at. Well this trip was different, kids were okay, we felt like we didn't need to stop so we kept going, past Snowville Utah, Kamrynn says those dreaded words, "I got to go pee." Luckily we are a few miles away from the Sinclair gas station I think problem solved, we unload step into the Sinclair and the large Marge woman behind the counter says to me, first thing, "you'll have to put shoes on her feet before you shop here." Now I thought for a moment, maybe the floors are dirty and she thinks Kamrynn would be harmed or something, but her attitude and pointing of her fingers in jester made a different impression, so I gathered my family and left. I wanted to let Kamrynn pee on the wall of that gas station, I would have if Misty hadn't been against it.

I Swear, tractor's is so dumb -Mater

2008-05-05T21:29:00.000-07:00

Scene: Overpass, commuters everywhere, bridge, merging lanes, seagulls nice sunshine day.
Scene 2: Semi-truck with trailer, bridge, merging lanes, seagull comes swooping into previously mentioned semi, whoola guts Ala roadkill. It was Gross. Made me think of Mater and the fact that tractors are a lot like seagulls, dumb. I also thought about Idaho drivers and how they have the habit of staring at you as you pass them, as if you are lost or part of there lost family. Creepy. I have to say that driving is an art, it takes skill, concentration, and you have no choice but to trust the fool in the jacked up chevy to do the same? Yeah, and Grizzly Adams had a beard! People on the road during my commute act differently on the road at different times, I have noticed that when I leave at 7 a.m. then traffic is not in a mad craze, now if I leave at 7:30 whoa look out! Crazies everywhere, and it's not like my gently used car has a vendetta against said jacked chev, but come on a-hole get off my Canadian Arse!
I use the slow {senior} lane for a reason, every driving course I have ever taken says to pass on the left, not the right where all the aged and road tested vehicles are. So to you bloated gas hogs on the road I say kiss it, kiss it good, both cheeks, right here, mmmmmuh. I mean, really if I am on the left side of the road and going slower than that of the traffic, by all means run me down. I can't stand slow drivers in the fast lane, its dangerous. Stop playing cop, you are putting me in danger. Thus proving the point don't be a dumb tractor.

Sean Hannity his brother Rush Limbaugh, and his other brother Micheal Savage

2008-04-24T23:05:00.000-07:00

So i watched the Jazz loose the other night, which stunk because they could have won. I listened to the commentary of the game and I didn't want to hear about the amazing player match-up that would decide the out come of the game, or the percentage of home wins vs. road wins or free throw percentage, who's on first, what's on second...blah, blah, blab just tell me when those cute girls are gonna jump out on the court with those daisy dukes and dance.. monkey. All I want is the score, nothing else, just the score. It made me think of R.C. Willy, who has a sale if it is parent-teacher conference, or national kick your neighbors dog day. Everything seems to be imploded in the media and I Afton wonder where is the real news, certainly not on FOX 13, I love it when the fox people finish a live story covering all the mookie stinks around the Wasatch front, stories like, little old lady gets whacked over the head by some bum in Pioneer park, only on FOX 13, just you watch the best. I guess it isn't so bad for KSL, Debbie blah, blah, blah uncovers the hidden dangers in your bathroom, next on KSL. What is worse the radio mongers of Rush, Sean, and his other brothers Bill o'Riley, Micheal Savage. I guess it just turns me away when they open their mouths to criticize and explain the right way to do things is yada yada yada, liberals and Democrats piss me off, when they close their three hour tirade, it is always now go getcha a steak at blah blah steak house, tell 'em Sean sent ya. Or how Rush signed a 94 bazillion dollar radio deal. I would rather rip my heart right out of my rib cage and then throw it on the floor and stop on it 'til I die, then spend one more minute listening to them, thanks Weird Al for putting it right. I guess I was just sad that the jazz lost, and I really hate R.C. Willy commercials.

Nipple balm

2008-04-24T22:44:00.000-07:00

That's right, you have heard the term bag balm, utter butter, and cream o'utter-butter etc. I am here to tell you that this stuff isn't just for cows, and achy cracked nipple sufferers, no this whiz cures nasty feet. Not only am I the president of nipple balm, I'm a client! This stuff cured my nasty 'ol foot of all it's ailments, no Gypsy voodoo magic could. For some time I have had one foot that always looked like fungus-amongus, not anymore. Remember the Adam Sandler movie Mr. Deeds, Emilio struck Deed's frost-bite black foot, yeah not quite that bad but close. I don't know why this stuff is advertised for lady nipple woahs, I mean I could market this stuff to men and make a killing calling it a miricle cure-foot bag balm-nipple healer-all-in-one cure. But wait there's more, if you call in the next ten minutes we'll send you two foot-bagbalm-nipple healer wonder cure bottles for the price of one, that's right TWO bottles for $19.95....oh the horror. Sorry Misty for my bad foot.

I like AC/DC

2008-04-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

Am I going to go to hell for this? I love the banging of the drums, the whaling of the guitars, and the yelling of "Back in Black" or "Highway to Hell". Does it constitute a passion for distruction? I once took Misty to the Dee Events Center to see Sawyer Brown, a country group we both like, the opening act was a cover band that sang nothing like Dixie. There was an older couple dressed in biker garb, swinging and laughing and looking like something you see on a nature program about the migration and mating habits of polor bears, they looked awful. We both laughed to ourselves and now I think, good for you polar bears show the world that you can mate during hippie music. Does listening to AC/DC really motovate people to be oblivious to reality? I know I can't get giggy wth'it. God loves those people too.
I still like AC/DC.

A friend called Jar-d

2008-04-19T08:49:00.000-07:00

Remember that song called a boy named sue? Well that song has nothing to do with Jared, or Jar-d as I've been know to call 'em. See sometimes you get to have one friend that you grew up with, got into trouble with, and managed to somehow keep in touch. I have a friend who now lives in Texas, he wants to be a chiropractor (joint smasher) he has a good sense of humor, but lacks the part of a joke that puts the final "zinger" to rest. I think he likes to hear himself talk personally. I say that last part only because off and on we have been fighting about the true final out come of a basketball game played back before playgrounds started putting in those wood chips on the ground because it would prevent injury. See, we played a basketball game that went all day, during our recess time. He still believes he won, of course he thinks that it was okay to be a Minico Spartan, which we all know isn't, still clueless. Jared is a good friend, always busy doing something, he is a pretty driven guy. I still can't believe he wanted to move to Texas?!! I know a little about Texas, on account of the mission in Houston and all, great people, awesome place to visit, but whoo wee no thanks. I hope Jared appreciates his wife, we all still can't believe he got so lucky. His marriage is a mystery only the heaven's could answer. He got extremely lucky. Jar-d, my friend from Idaho who now lives in Texas. Thanks for being my friend.

shootin' dust

2008-04-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

my brother brian and I went shootin' arrows some time ago we had fun, we missed most targets but we were laughing always

dad and Kamrynn

2008-04-16T08:35:00.001-07:00

2008-04-16T08:34:00.001-07:00

2008-04-16T08:32:00.000-07:00

Quiet Example of the Gospel

2008-04-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

Today is my father's viewing, Thursday our family will put him to rest. To my brothers and sister that might read this I want to say that dad was a great example to me of service, leadership, and gospel example. I have told my brothers and sister that my dad was the real reason I chose to go on a church mission. That after my first semester at Twin Falls I had found my dad's stake missionary papers and saw that he had served. My dad never told me this, and I wonder exactly how those papers got mixed in with my financial aid papers? I am going to miss my dad immensely, but I don't really feel a permanent loss. I understand how death is part of our heavenly father's eternal, perfect plan for true happiness. Our father in heaven wants all of his children to be happy, I am sad that my dad's life here on earth is over, but I really wonder about the awesome things he is doing now. How wonderful to know that his existence is never ending. My dad served in eight bishopric's I think, He never complained, and he always set a good example with his actions not his words alone. I will miss my dad but look forward to seeing him again. Brian, Gary, and Ann thank you for all your love, and thank you to all those who offered prayers, and thoughts to me in behalf of our family.

kids are great

2008-04-16T00:01:00.001-07:00

I recommend that you should have at least two. Sometimes I see parents who just have one kid and I think to myself what happy times, because there are no rivalries, no sharing, no pulling of the hair, or splashing my eye with bathtub water, or any other problems. I also see that the parents of these children think there kid walks on water, and every sound that comes from this child is a sure sign of wonderment. I say phooey! You do not have the right to be a true parent until you experience the whining of two or more voices crying about McDonald's crappy play land. I don't see the point of having one child. What a menace to society. Now I don't mean to say that single child parents or scp's as I call them are not experiencing things that two or more child parent people experience, I am saying that it isn't fun listing to a little person tell you "your not in my heart" because you skipped McDonald's.

Women

2008-03-17T01:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes women have to do everything for men. This includes posting a new blog or blogging a new post, or whatever.
Sometimes, instead of doing for, women just force men to do things they don't want to do, like the laundry, or the dishes, or the vacuuming, or the blogging.
Sometimes the women are sorry. Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes...I think that might be all I have to say.

Great Salt Lake

2008-03-12T00:12:00.000-07:00

That's me.

New Blog

2008-03-12T00:07:00.000-07:00

This here's a new blog. More to come.