KSL wants me to become a FB fan

side note: Not related to this blog, but the picture made me laugh. Thanks email.

I had a bad dream, then this morning I got a fb invite.... Blame it on the Quervo (I just wanted to say that, Carrie Underwood pisses me off.) So I dreamt that I ended up on KSL news, the website, the chatroom, and the classifieds. Yep the classifieds. My name was all over the Wasatch. Let me explain, the dream starts out with myself in an office, I am wearing a suit and tie, answering phones, faxing documents, and talking with Lawyers. The desk is a dark wood with fancy moldings. The computer is new, a soft keyboard and in the room has a hudge file folder, nice chairs, and some fake plastic trees, the ones you see in banks. I know I was selling insurance. Lots of insurance, infact I was a whiz at it. Money seemed to be rolling in hand over fist, sorta freaking me out. I don't remember having anyone else to help me run this office space. I remember setting up a couple of new accounts. Helping old people get affordable life insurance (which I think everyone should have personally) but something was really wrong. I had full control of all the estate of the old people, person, I don't remember how many, but I was the sole controller. I was sending money into private accounts and spending it wildly on fast cars and a popcorn machine. Then I remember somehow, getting an invitation to go to a fancy pants dinner at Little America with the Saltlake Chamber of Commerce (that's how I ended up on KSL). At the fancy pants dinner, which Misty wasn't there (strange yet 'cause I never eat dinner without her) I see KSL's morning personalities, and then I woke up. When I came to my sences, at first I could taste the throw-up building in the bottom of my throat. It's that feeling you get when as a kid you had to hug and kiss your great, great, aunt (stinky) whats er name at the family reunion, because your mother told you it might be her last reunion ever but you were to young to know what exactly that ment. I never knew great, great aunt (stinky) what's er name well enough to say no and be done with it. I never understood this form of adult to kid torture. So KSL a Bonneville network has chosen me to become a friend. That feels like voting for Sarah Palin and hoping for the best. KSL with it's spit polished reporting, news on the radio, and that damn Maria Shilaos. Not to mention the overly happy couple on the morning radio Grant (pansy) and Amanda (kiss n' hug) these two absolutely drive me crazy?! I don't think eighter one lives in the now, or reality. Have any of you ever listened to them? Besides the automatic gag factor that occurs every time I tune in, I feel like my skin breaks out in hives when Amanda smuggly agrees with Grant on Utah issues, they both speak as if they are the leading expert, autority, and grand poobauh wizard. What about Doug Wright you say, well I beleive he's the reason Utah County has become a baren wasteland of political smug plain and simple. You Utah County folks have smug all over you thanks to Doug. You bunch of smuggers, they sniff their own farts you know. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smug_Alert!

Becoming a friend of KSL I suppose would finish my assimilation to Utah, I say this because I do have an R C Willey account, paid for in full but still open. Moving on, did anyone watch the Superbowl and feel cheated? I totally expected the ads to be worth watching the game. So disappointed in CBS. The ads could have been better if the order went Doritos, then beer ad, then the Tim Tebow family ad thing (which I didn't get at all what message was that)? Betty White and Al Begotta were great, everyone else stunk, the dog collar choker was worth a laugh.

There hasn't been anything on t.v. worth watching for some time. Anyone got any ideas? Thanks for listening.

I Made a Post

I am looking forward to the new Conan O'Brien show sometime in 7 months. Hopefully it will be like his old late night show. The one that was actually funny, Co-Co can do some really good skits.

Kammryn and Zach. Sheezh! Talk about some spoiled rotten brats! I am to blame, says Misty how I don't exactly know, she's the one who likes cats not me.
I am having trouble teaching them the value of work. Any type of work! For the sake of Pete it would be a miracle blessing for me if Kammi would simply pick up her crap when she is done with her many Pica so-esk painting, coloring, and writing. The bum wrote her name on her bed sheet in yellow highlighter! I don't know if that crap will wash out, but she even left the marker on her bed cap off and fell asleep. She has acquired a canny nack for staying up late into the night, sometimes 2 0r 3 in the morning! I want to used drugs, but the FDA says no, and I am not going to jail for anyone.

Zach. Zach. Zach. Why won't this kid cause me some trouble? He's perfect, as far as 6 year olds go. Cleans up, does homework, and even tries to take care of his dirty laundry himself. Great kid, and I would love to trade his sister for a low maintenance model. Kam is cute, but low maintenance would fit better for me. Zach has out grown most of his pants. He is an enormous 6 year old. I hope this growth period doesn't stop at the 4Th grade (Misty) I don't think that is his fate, he eats like a horse. Sometimes I just put a feed bag around his muzzle and leave him for a 1/2 hour.

Our ward, has a lot of great people in it. Lots of faces I recognize but names are a blur. It's been a full year now that we have lived on Hudson Circle, rolls off the tongue real nice... Hudson Circle.
I still don't care much for scouts, parents are freaks and "gung-ho" or absolutely leave everything up to the leaders. Let me tell you something one of the many requirements is to cook a meal for your family. I can come cook you eggs for dinner but you ain't gonna like it much. Parents be involved, tons of scout crap is really up to you. I don't ever really care if Zach is an Eagle scout (unless he wants to be) but mostly it's up to the parents when your kid is a Cub Scout.

My green car is still on the road. We have owned this animal for 8 years of our almost 9 years of marriage (March 9 for those who are counting) When I say we, I really mean Misty. I have patched this car together and there is a lot to say about older model Toyota's on the road today. Great car and I plan on driving another one. We did however defect to Volkswagen. Really they should just call this car a LEGO since that is really how it is put together, sure there are fasteners and welds, but I had the whole front end disassembled to fix a leak in no time. I should be a mechanic, Haynes repair books are about the only thing I read.

March 9Th will be our 9Th year of marriage. It's been a lot of up's down's sideways and backwards times. Mostly because of money I didn't have any. Misty and I have a relationship that most people want, well too bad get your own or work on the one you already have. I really like what I got and I keep it safe.

Posting on Face book makes a lot more since to me because I can put stupid movie quotes and be done. I enjoy that on Face book, but not here unless I have pictures to go with it. Sorry to disappoint, but that is what YouTube is for anyway.

Thanks for listening.

http://d.yimg.com/kq/groups/17260182/1610997888/name/ftc-vi26.wmv

My Mother Doesn't "Get Me"

Even when I was a kid, I am sure she didn't know exactly what to do with me, to be fair does any parent know exactly what to do? Vague question I know.

I think this holiday season I have learned more this year then in years past. I hate cats. Growing up I loved them, kept them, and took the mangy alley cat in as a pet. I like dogs, always will. Loyal plain and simple.

I am protective as to what matters most, what comes first, and the safety of my family. Getting old sucks. Time and money matter. The time invested makes my money disappear, kids make my money disappear. Sometimes I am getting a mediocre return for my money.

I like Misty. She is awesome, I got lucky. Holiday travel sucks, I don't care to drive to Idaho like I use too. I hate I-84, I hate the gas stops along the way, and I don't even miss Switzer Pass. I like my house, the space, and the master bathroom. The best feature is the two separate sinks. My son is a reading machine, eating machine, and talented. He took the time to draw an entire book himself. Words, editing, and pictures all by himself and he did it! He gets that from his mother, he loves math and can spell better then me. Which isn't really bragging. I didn't fare well in school.

Kamrynn isn't too far off from being like me. She works hard at the things that are important to her, weather you want it to be or not. Call it stubborn, I call it priority. She gets her priorities together and nothing else matters at the time. The house could be on fire, but she will make sure her hair got combed first. That can be a great thing and a nightmare.

My mother doesn't get me, she calls and if I don't pick up right away she says when I call her back after voicemail, her first words are "why didn't you pick up?" assuming that I am screening her call, or ignoring her precious phone call. As often as she calls me, maybe once every month or two. She loves to talk with her grand babies, and it's her right as grandma. I would like her to spend more time with them, but she is sick all the time. No fault of her own. She doesn't know me, not well enough to understand my lack of humor or my quick wit. Who knows maybe in a year or two she will catch on. I am at least finding out more and more that the family you have now, is the one that matters most.

Coming To Terms

Sounds like a contract doesn't the phrase terms and coming to agreement. Contract, final, and permanent. Stone, and forever. I was just thinking about where I am at in life. My family, my beautiful wife, children, all of these things that surround me that make me alive.

I thought about commitment, how it takes desire to see something through until finished. How sacrifice makes the end result taste sweet. Misty and I are now raising our children in a more permanent setting, something to be said about finding your place in a ward. I never would admit that the Lord really puts you where you will do good work for him, or that there is actually a place for you to belong. I am a believer of that now, I always thought life is what you make it to be. What you want it to become and I do believe that, but also that your control isn't always yours. That you are not the cap'n but a stooge mopping up the deck. I find myself coming to terms with belonging and caring enough to see my family grow into something more. I realize that sentence sounds cold, but I seem to get caught up in things that don't matter. I rationalize the trivial things, the need to always focus on pointless matters, like the kids bedrooms, the organization of the garage, or making sure that those dam cats don't linger too long in my living room. I like animals, just not in my house. My house, I work hard for it.

Anyway, just thinking about terms and agreements. Monetary agreements seem endless, thank goodness for the eternal ones that I can count on. The lesson I think I am suppose to learn here this past week it not to sweat the small things, but be focused enough to realize a plan of action needs to take place, then to present the idea to higher powers, take action. I want to quit spinning my wheels and actually hit second, third, and really slam it hard into fourth gear. Sometimes I get fed up with being a stick in the mud, or having that feeling around the house. It carries over into work, soccer practice, and home life. I have to say that I don't watch out enough when I start to feel this way, I don't act quickly enough to recognize the situation before I can solve it. It's like a cold that hits you after you just played basketball the day before.

Commitments. I have a greater understanding of them, and being committed, I just want to always have the right action.

Excess Body Hair

I think I have a new phobia, Trichopathophobia or fear of excess body hair. Persons with hudge amounts of unkept facial hair need to know that I wig out. Who needs nightmares when you can have images of nasty nose hair. Handlebar mustaches bug me too.

My next phobia really isn't a phobia as much as a problem with the people that other people may or may not look up too. I oppose each one.

1. Al Sharpton “White folks was [sic] in caves while we was building empires.... We taught philosophy and astrology and mathematics before Socrates and them Greek homos ever got around to it.” Sharpton defended his comments by noting that the term "homo" was not homophobic but added that he no longer uses the term. Sharpton has since called for an end to homophobia in the African-American community.

2.Rush Limpnuts. Talk-radio titan Rush Limbaugh is being investigated for allegedly buying thousands of addictive painkillers from a black-market drug ring.The moralizing motormouth was turned in by his former housekeeper - who says she was Limbaugh's pill supplier for four years.Wilma Cline, 42, says Limbaugh was hooked on the potent prescription drugs OxyContin, Lorcet and hydrocodone - and went through detox twice.

I have more on all this but lame things going across my mind right now so I think it best that I stop. Nose hair it's not pretty. Al, Rush, Bill O'Riley, Sean, Glen,

all you a$$ hats that think you know better for our country, and for me keep sitting on your butts talking on the radio how you know better then the elected officials just baffles my mind. Stay on your butts, and keep selling more New York steak, promote more useful products like Just For Men and stay out of politics.

Okay I am done. Really, I think public school is stupid too. Zach can just about read 3rd. grade books and yet his teacher thinks he should be reading one word, yes really one word books. I really can't wait for PTA, so I slipped a note in his homework asking the teacher to challenge him, she must have gotten the note because he has harder books to read from. I asked for it, but I know Zach can do it.

I want a New York steak now.

Lack of a Title

Today I was thinking about the common process of people doing stupid things, myself included. I am taking credit here for coining a new idea. "Idiot-ology"- I belive a process of being an idiot really exists among us, and the formula is at least applicable mathematically. S@#! happens. People in my industry make work harder then it has to be. No case in point, but I'll just say this the right communication goes a long way.

Hospitals-

Mountain West Medical Center, Tooele Utah. I hope no one I know has to go to the hospital. Recently Misty caught the pneumonia from some grubby co-worker, neighborhood kid, or from the biker bar, Large Marge's on Highway 36. In the five days that Misty was there we saw a different doctor each time. The communication between each doctor was pathetic! Getting an answer about the type of treatment or finding out what the "game plan" from the doctor(s) was a disaster. Having a family doctor would have saved so much headache. Lesson learned. Also, Nurses are not doctors and should not give advice as though they are doctors. Following medical direction at Mountain West Hospital was like witnessing a live episode of Bevis and Butthead. I hope in the future Misty and I will be the wiser.

Imagine custom wheels, big tires, and a man on a cell phone racing down I-80. To the Hummer H3 driver on my commute: advertising self-defense, S.W.A.T. training, and a number of other defense courses, the advertisement is plastered all over the vehicle. Coming home tonight from Salt Lake on what I call the Autobahn I-80 West I came upon Mr. H3 driver. His advertisement was tough, rugged, and mach-o but the dude driving the H3 was 5' nothing and fat. As I drove past I could only think, isn't that ironic.

Ode to the "Peppy Prius driver guy"
I use to be this driver on the road, the one zipping by swerving in and out of traffic lanes. I had a knock off sporty car, the Chevy Beretta GTZ. It could hug the road and took out a couple hot shot Honda's back in the day (1999-2001 R.I.P.) Lately I think twice about how I drive on the highway. Coming home from work I saw a Prius driver blasting through traffic as if he was driving home to Selma Hayek in which case this post would be different. I know how he feels like he is in control of his vehicle, how he swerves in and out of the fast lane passing cars in both lanes, how he thinks that by doing these maneuvers he is going to beat every time trial record ever set. I ask myself "how badly does anyone need to get to Tooele anyway?" Yet there he goes, zip! zamm! swoosh! down the highway. The Hybrid driver. Yep, green and hippie, but really how sporty is the Prius? When I sold cars at Tony Divino Toyota ( I know, sounds like a mob boss) the training for the Prius was simply, it's green not mean.

Blue Hair Crowded in Front of Me

Scene of the crime: Costco Food Court. Time: Lunch, I was starving.
I was on assignment to find replacement bathroom paper towels that our office could buy locally, and not have to spend $120 dollars for a 12 pack box of dispenser towels. Having found out that Costco doesn't offer the style required to fit our type of dispenser I thought at least I should grab lunch while the lunch line was short. As I approached the food court I noticed two lines, two cash registers, and two helpful food people just begging to fetch me a slice of Costco pizza.... mmmmm... pizza. Then I saw the glow of blue frost bouncing off the waxed floor. My heart began to race a little, that is when I knew I wasn't alone. The Blue Hair was decked out in short shorts, running shoes, and those dark lenses, style of sunglasses that cover your whole face, as if they are high tech safety glasses. She was standing in the middle of the two cash registers waiting to pounce. A man with his young daughter, maybe 6 years old was about to tell the cashier their order when the Blue Hair butted-in with strong force, and asked for a cup from the cashier. The cashier stopped what she was doing, the man and daughter first looked puzzled but then realized what they were up against, and quickly bowed down as if this person was the Alpha dog. The cashier gave the blue hair the cup. I didn't noticed that the Blue Hair had left, I was busy thinking about what sort of evil plan the Blue Hair was about to unfold, when thinking that perhaps the Blue Hair was short changed a cup when she bought her hot dog or something rational like that, or...was something else afoot here? Was the Blue Hair hatching an evil plan to take over the food court? I was about to find out! It appeared so, because the man and daughter took their food and left leaving me next in line. As I approached the cashier, I made a glance over my shoulder, and jumped a few inches avoiding any possible contact as the Blue Hair was standing right next to me! Sneaking up by my side like a cold Ninja, it came back with a vengeance! She cut me off, faster then Dale Earnhardt at the Daytona 500! Cut off MY chance of getting to MY seat with MY pizza to enjoy MY lunch time bliss only to ask for napkins?! "Napkins" I said, are near the soda machine. I pulled myself back a little further distancing myself from the Blue Hair as I was expecting a purse shot to the ribs. I waited for retaliation, expecting the rib ringer, but what to my surprise? She simply turns, and leaves to the soda machine. Completing my transaction, I ate my lunch knowing that the duty to God award I got from Bishop Brown was just a hoax. Senior citizens beware, I am no longer taking your crap, you can just sit in your pull-up for all I care. Until next time Blue Hair, I will be watching. Oh P.S. My video card in my computer when out, that' a drag.